Feeling disinclined to touch anything that may be remotely work related? Feeling unusually drawn to the open bottle of vino on the kitchen cabinet even though this week absolutely you are not touching the stuff between Monday & Friday? Already constructing highly plausible and justifiable excuses as to how you can blow off training tonight and still lose your targeted 5kgs this week? Actually believe you can lose 5kgs this week and keep all your limbs and not change your training or eating patterns?

If that is you, you are under the spell of Neptunitis.

Neptunitis (or Lunas Pisces as it is less commonly known) is an affliction that attacks the emotional systems of those predisposed to this debilitating condition.

Most at risk of developing this are those with Pisces Moons; those with their Moon closely aspecting Neptune; or those with their Moon in the 12th house. Some unlucky individuals may have a combination of all risk factors, making them particularly likely to be infected.

When the Moon is in Pisces each month, the conditions are right for all of us to come under the influence of Neptunitis.

Right now with the Sun and Mercury also in Pisces, there’s a lot of this about, so it’s timely to remind ourselves of the worrying, but thankfully short lived symptoms of Neptunitis. These include, but are not limited to:

• The tendency to find anything and everything distracting
• The ability to construct creative excuses and have them seem plausible
• An increased tendency towards procrastination
• An increased tendency towards daydreaming
• The ability to believe that fantasy actually is reality
• An increased tendency to trust the world
• Complete failure of all internal warning and radar systems
• A feeling of compassion for the person who last knifed you in the back because they must have been having a bad day
• A feeling of compassion towards the last person who broke your heart because he really didn’t mean it
• The need to cry at cute puppies in toilet paper ads
• The increased ability to actually forget that you are supposed to be eating mindfully and healthily
• The increased ability to believe that wine really does contain no calories at all when consumed under a Pisces Moon and that there are no calories in anything consumed at an airport.

If you or someone you love is experiencing any of these symptoms, administer tissues, but do not allow the afflicted person to consume copious amounts of anything – as those prone to Neptunitis do not process alcohol or prescription medicines well under the best of circumstances.

While time and hard exercise may be the only cure, there is some relief possible.

While under the influence of Neptunitis:

• Take care not to gaze into the eyes of anyone you slightly fancy as you may fall under their spell even more. I can’t stress this one enough.  And if it does happen, take care not to weave the entire relationship into the fantasy-land that is your head if at all possible.
• Take care to avoid movies with a sad ending, a happy ending, anything where the dog is lost or harmed, and where people get together or split up. Likewise stay clear of books where any of these events may result in copious amounts of tears. Keep songs that you know will trigger memories and tears off your playlist, and if possible, avoid those scenes in those movies – you know what they are.
• Do not commit to anything you may regret in 2 days time or make declarations without substance.
• If possible stay clear of anyone who will not understand the depth and breadth of the emotional impact you are under for these 2 ½ days each month – namely anyone with heaps of Saturn or Earth in their charts. Aries and Sagittarians should also be avoided if possible – the former will tell you to just flipping do it and the latter will make you cry with some off hand remark that they have already forgotten but which you will remember for ever.
• Accept that your flight control tower is faulty and simply do not take the risk.

As for me? With a Pisces Moon aspecting Neptune natally, I have already forgotten and ignored my own advice… be careful out there!

Naturally I’m not a medical practitioner and of course this isn’t a real-life condition…or is it?