Better together…

It’s my wedding anniversary today.

Twenty-three years since we did the whole I do, white dress, make it legal thing. And, we were together for five years before that. Twenty-eight years together. We have the Saturn Return of our relationship coming up next year. (As an aside, we started dating when he was having his Saturn Return.)

If I were being political, which of course I’m not, at this point I’d add that I’m grateful we have the option of doing so…but I’m not going there.

Anyways, 23 years married. How have we done it? Lasted as long as we have?

We sometimes joke that we’re perfect for each other: he’s so fixed that he can’t be bothered to change, and I have so little focus that I can’t remember to!

Seriously though, It hasn’t been bliss – most marriages aren’t – and it’s more richly textured because of that. If it were, I probably wouldn’t still be here – complete compatibility, like complete commitment, isn’t my thing. That’s not to say that we’re not compatible and I’m not committed – of course we are and I am. It’s just that he knows me well enough to know that space when I need it is necessary for me, and I know him well enough to know when to seek that space out and when to stay close.

Nor is it perfect – something I constantly have to remind my Virgo Descendant of. Besides, if it were, Uranus and Pluto sitting on the Descendant in my chart would have something to say about that.

My mother has always said that I’m hell to live with – and I am. With as much Pluto and Uranus as I have, I’m constantly doing the power, control, reinvention and freedom thing. I’m also full of Pisces and Neptune, so am super-duper emotionally charged and sensitive – and live in a world not entirely based in reality. My moods are explosive and random, and my soapbox rants legendary.

On the other hand, his chart is full of Libran planets – that fill up the empty spaces in my no air chart nicely – partnership is his thing. Despite his Scorpio Sun and Mars (it’s a 6thhouse one, so I tell him that my 8th house Scorpio Mars will trump his every day) he’d prefer to find a peaceful outcome to a conflict any day.

His Moon is in Gemini, so he needs social interaction much more than my Pisces Moon does, and his Taurus Ascendant and Libra Venus likes to let it be from a position on the couch while I flit around looking for something to keep my Venus in Aries amused.

I’m challenged from a boundary and reality viewpoint, and his Saturn in Capricorn provides a necessary grounding. On the other side of the coin, my Jupiter in Cancer and all of that Neptune brings in faith and light when he’s looking for what could go wrong.

So, somehow it works.

That’s the thing about relationship astrology – the challenges in the synastry often show as much about what keeps a couple together as the obviously compatible aspects. It’s the challenges that help us to grow – although, on the flip side, too much challenge, or too much resistance to growth and it’s this that can also help us grow apart.

Aside from the obvious changes- we’re both 23 years older, my hair hadn’t yet been coloured and I was 30 kilos lighter – we’ve both changed inside as well. After 37 years with the same company, he’s now looking for new opportunities, and I’m on my third complete career reinvention – banker to project manager to astrologer and writer. He has grown into his Capricorn Saturn and gained that assurance that Saturn brings with age. There are other differences too – most of which have come from our shared experiences.

We’ve had some challenges – as have most couples – over the years. Last year was both individually and collectively one of the toughest. Ironically we seem to have come through that feeling stronger together – possibly because we each needed the strength of the other to do what we’ve done. Possibly because we’re better together.

So, 23 years today on a sunny Autumn day in Canberra. Where has the time gone?

For more on DIY relationship astrology, check out What’s love got to do with it?