What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Painted heart

All you need is love…

As an astrologer, without doubt the one thing most people want to know about is love.

I get that. We want to know how we fit into this world, and who we fit in there with.

The answer isn’t that simple.

Do I believe in soul-mate connections? Yep. Are they always about romance? No.

I’ve felt it three times- one I went on to marry, the other two have been incredibly important to me in terms of both a karmic feeling friendship, and opening my eyes to a different career path.

Do I believe in one perfect person for everyone? No. I can’t. The part of me that believes in endless and infinite possibilities can’t.

So, how do you know?

I don’t know the answer to that either….except to say that you do when you do.

Nor can I predict when you’ll find love.

I’m not a lot of good am I?

I can, however, tell you when the weather is right so that if you venture outside and open and risk your heart a little, it could be there, behind a door you haven’t noticed before.

I can’t even tell you how long it will work for. What is time? It’s for as long as it’s supposed to be for.

The thing is, we fall in love in the fifth house- that part of the chart where we spin the wheel, have a flutter, take a risk. Just like at a casino, there is no guarantees that when you lay your money- or your heart- on the table, that you’ll get it back. That’s why it feels so good.

What I can also help you with is to know what you need from relationship, what your personal deal breakers are. The fact is, we each want different things.

Take compatibility for instance. We talk about that as though it’s a given, a good thing.

‘Oh yes, so and so are very compatible- in every way.’

That’s great if you want an easy life. It’s also great if you’re looking for a flat mate with or without the benefits. But if you’re, for example, a Uranian type who wants a little excitement, to mix it up every so often, you’re going to find compatibility in every way as boring as the proverbial bat-shit.

You see, relationships consist of (usually) two people who each have individual needs, and individual growth patterns. There will be some conflict- there needs to be in order for both the individuals and the relationship to grow and mature.

When I was a teenager, I remember reading all about how the sun sign of my latest unrequited (they were always unrequited) crush fitted with Pisces. It was probably the reason many of us became interested in astrology. Did it get a 3 star rating or a don’t bother honey, this is never gonna work? I was rarely attracted to the signs that according to the books I was supposed to be attracted to.

Now I know it’s about more than the Sun signs.

The Sun signs will show the essential nature and where each is motivated, but there’s so much more to us that that. When it comes to relationships, it’s also about what each person needs to feel emotionally secure and nurtured (the Moon), about how each communicates and understands (Mercury), how each relates and what each needs from relationship (Venus), and what turns them on and off, and how they go about getting what they want (Mars).

Generally speaking, if the respective planets are in the same element, the compatibility is good, if  they are in different elements but the same polarity (eg Air/Fire, Water/Earth) it’s ok, and if they are in different elements and different polarity, there’ll be challenges in that area.

While compatibility is nice, challenge is what brings friction, excitement and growth. Being completely compatible does not guarantee longevity, nor does a mismatched chart guarantee the opposite.

Take mine for example:

Sun Moon Mercury Venus Mars
Me Water Water Water Fire Water
Him Water Air Air Air Water
Good Challenging Challenging Ok Good

Our Suns are compatible: the Pisces, Scorpio mix is, generally speaking, a good one. We’re both motivated by our emotions, and we’re both quite intuitive.

On the whole, it doesn’t look like a match made for more than a good time.

The thing is, I have no Air in my chart, and he brings that- filling up the empty houses, so to speak.

Also, even though are Moons are in different elements, and square each other, we both have Pluto Moons- mine opposes Pluto, his squares it. We might be on different wavelengths from an emotional viewpoint, but we get it.

If I took this one step further and looked at what houses each fills, we’d see that my Pisces planets fall into his 11th house- we started as friends. His Libra and Scorpio planets fall into my 8th and 9th – this is about life journey stuff for me.

When I look into the planetary connections, the squares and oppositions in our synastry provide friction, and guarantee the occasional stormy waters to navigate. While this doesn’t suit his Libra Venus and Mercury need for calm and balance, it does suit my Uranian nature, and pushes him out of his Taurus Rising comfort zone. Speaking of which, his fixity and his Saturn in Capricorn, provide me with the stability and firm foundations I need, while all of my Pisces , Neptune and Jupiter lightens his outlook.

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea.

My point? Relationship astrology, just like relationships, is complex. There are no simple answers…that’s what makes it all so interesting.

Check out also I think I love you, for more links to DIY relationship astrology posts.