Underneath the Radar…

3d buoy floating on the ocean

I’ve been swimming underneath the radar for quite a while now. It’s something that I’ve needed to do. Sure, I’ve been poking my head up every so often to have a look around, but for the most part, it’s then been back under again.

I only have so much room in my brain, a limited amount of energy, and an even more limited amount of time within which to do what needs to be done, let alone what I want to be done. So, I’ve had to prioritise- it’s the grown up Saturn trine Ascendant thing to be done.

I’ve barely seen friends, I’ve barely ventured out.

It’s a tough one for me, and I do feel guilty about it- but that’s how it’s had to be.

The other morning hubby announced that I needed some ‘air in my hair’ so I went and hung over the edge of a ferry on Sydney Harbour in the rain. It worked. It helped me crystallise thoughts that had been hanging around the edges of my mind for months.

Self-publishing.

So that’s what I’m doing- self-publishing my completed chick lit manuscripts…first one, then another, then the other. In between I’ll write more.

It feels as though I’ve been urged in this direction for at least 12 months. The book that will be up first, has been out on call back with four separate publishers- two of whom requested I didn’t show anyone else. When I add it all together, it’s been out waiting for a decision for an elapsed time of close to 14 months. The second has so far clocked up two call-backs and six months of waiting.

On each occasion the feedback has been something like: loved it, loved the characters and the story, but too much romance for us…or loved it, loved the characters and the story, but not enough romance for us. Close, but not close enough.

While I’ve always said that I’d be prepared to self publish astro, I’ve always dismissed the idea when it comes to fiction. Why? Because I’ve been wanting someone else to tell me I’m good enough, that my dream is good enough. That’s fear.

It’s time to grab that dream by the short and curlies and quit waiting for it to happen.

This is a big job. I’m publishing my fiction under a fake name nom de plume, so that means starting a social media profile from scratch. I’ll also be responsible for sourcing an editor, a cover designer, the appropriate legal bits and pieces, the social media strategy, the marketing…all of it- so I guess that’s my weekends taken care of!

It feels appropriate that I’m making these decisions with the transits that are around me at present.

It feels especially appropriate that I’m making this decision with the upcoming Full Moon conjunct (and I mean conjunct) my Ascendant- the Moon is Full at 16 Pisces 19’ and my Ascendant is 16 Pisces 29’.

This Full Moon is part of a cycle of direct lunations hitting (for want of a better word) my Ascendant (or Descendant) since 2006- which is when it all started to happen.

There have been other contacts with my Sun and Moon, but it’s the ASC and DSC that have been most visible.

The whole thing kicked off in September 2006 with a New Moon conjunct my descendant followed just 2 weeks later by a lunar eclipse conjunct my ASC. Each around a degree orb.

In case I didn’t get the message, a solar eclipse occurred a degree from my DSC in September of the following year. This one occurred as Uranus was conjunct my ASC, Pluto was square my Moon, and Jupiter was conjunct the MC.

There’s been much more over the years, but my point is, this whole decision point I’m at now, is just part of the transformation, evolution, whatever that started back then. Possibly before.

It feels like a reinvention…again…but that, for me, is also a good thing.

Speaking of reinventions, I’m also tackling the ensuite bathroom- and intend to do some of the DIY myself. How hard can it be?