Something about uncontrollables…

Miss 16 & I at Bondi...
Miss 16 & I at Bondi…

I’ve had an emotional couple of days.

Miss 16 hopped on a plane this morning (without me) to spend the next couple of weeks in Asia. She’ll be doing some service activities for the next week in Hong Kong (packing care boxes) and then will go over to China to see some seriously amazing sights. It’s an incredible opportunity and one we’re so grateful to be able to give her.

She’s going with a small group from school and is more than well supervised by her teachers. She’s travelled before in Asia, and has a good head on her shoulders and a good understanding of money and currencies.

Having a Capricorn Ascendant helps. She’s got the Sun, Mars, Mercury and Saturn in Aries, so is independent, brave and full of energy, yet also tempered and aware of boundaries and rules.

There is no logical reason for me to be worried, or to be welling up with tears…except this- my baby is going away for two weeks.

Now, I’m a control freak. It’s an 8th house Mars in Scorpio and Pluto-Moon/Sun/everything with me. When we travel, I dictate proceedings. I research it, I book it, I arrange itineraries, I’m the keeper of the passports, I look after all customs requirements- I’m like the tour director. I don’t even like other people taking care of my air or accommodation bookings because it removes a part of my control over the process- yet here is my baby travelling to one of my favourite cities in the world, and a place I’d love to see, and I have not been involved in any of the arrangements. I have no control in the process- other than a knowledge of the skills I’ve somehow equipped her with.

Yes, it’s a letting go thing. It’s also a trust thing. We have to trust the job we’ve done.

This was always going to be an emotional time. My world of Pisces just adds a tad of melodrama around the whole proceedings.

It’s been interesting to watch how the each of us go into the shadows of our Moons to deal with the stress and the separation. Hubby has a Gemini Moon, and has to keep talking- long after we want him to shut up. I think his record was five times within a space of 20 minutes telling her something about how she has enough Chinese currency for the whole time she’s there.

I’ve wanted to escape (Pisces Moon) or control the controllable and lose sleep over the uncontrollable (Moon-Pluto). The noise and the talking has been way too much for me to bear. I don’t think I’ve been effective at work as the detail required to stay on track has been seriously lacking. I’ve been pretending to be tough, but have been dissolving inside.

She (Aquarius Moon conjunct Neptune) has been wanting to withdraw and detach until she gets the logic right in her head. She’s been ok with me- only because although she knows I’m worried, I’ve been putting on a bloody good act- but has been snappy at her father. The Aquarius Moon does not like to have their perceptions or ideas challenged.

My BMF in a mood of extreme Aries helpfulness reminded me that she will one day leave home and I won’t be able to do anything about that. Hmmmmm….thanks for that. He also reminded me of the number of times that I’ve left on trips without either of them. Thanks for that, too. Seriously though, his brand of practical comfort has worked wonders with me over the last couple of days, and I am eternally grateful for that support.

Naturally I haven’t let her see any of this. I’ve saved the tears for hubby and my buddy. One of the reasons her and I have stayed close through her teenage years has been because I don’t cling or smother- even though my every instinct screams at me to wrap her up in cotton wool. Instead, we set the boundaries, and try our best to let her explore what’s in between- always watching. Close enough to jump in when she needs us, but far enough that she doesn’t feel the pressure. As a result, I trust her- but I don’t trust anyone else!

It’s a tough gig this parenting thing. We all have different styles, we all have different kids, we all make mistakes, we all do some stuff well. The things that work with Miss 16, wouldn’t necessarily work with any of my sister’s kids, or my brother’s kids. Sure, knowing her astrology has helped with that, but I think it’s been more about the relationship between her and I- the synastry.

Anyways, she’s heading off on an incredible adventure- one that I can’t wait to see the photos and hear the stories about. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to empty the dishwasher myself.