Something about clearing my mind…

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I came home from work yesterday afternoon and, instead of getting stuck into this weekends deliverables- I still have two weekends worth of work on this commissioned astro stuff, and need to deliver my structural edit for Baby It’s You to the copy editor- I cleaned. And cleaned.

It’s something that had started on Thursday morning in the office. I’ve been feeling unusually anxious, as though something is circling, getting closer, yet completely out of my control. February has been like that. I was telling my pod colleague about it…

‘In fact,’ I said, ‘my head feels like this desk looks.’

I’m a mad note-taker and these days can’t trust my brain to absorb one more single piece of information, so write everything down. I use scrap paper, the back of printed spreadsheets, and locator dockets (slips of paper used in cheque processing…you don’t need to know that…) for this. As a result, my desk was littered with these. It was no wonder I couldn’t think- my thoughts literally were scattered chaotically across my desk.

First up, I got the numbers on my whiteboard up to date. Then I started organising everything else- piles for the recycling bin, piles for the shredding bin, a clean sheet of paper to write down all the things that absolutely had to be done from all the slips of paper. I found a stash of plastic sleeves that I’d saved from when I was working there three years before. Into these went the documents and spreadsheets that I needed physical copies of.

At the end of the process everything was where it needed to be, my desk was clear, and my to-do list was again manageable. More importantly, I could think.

It all made sense. The Moon in Gemini was square my Mercury. Saturn was also square my Mercury. The Sun and Neptune were conjunct on my Mercury…although Neptune was now 1 degree past and never coming back. Energising all of this was a Mars-Saturn trine.

When I got home yesterday, I did the same- cleaned. Then I lit candles…and I felt a whole lot better. I still have my study to do, but for now I feel like I’m regaining order and control.

I do this- this see-saw between chaos and order- a lot. You can see it in the opposition I have between Pisces and Virgo. I can exist out of balance briefly with success:

  • There are those times where things are completely chaotic and everything is possible. Ideas come flying thick and fast, and things are done by the seat of my pants at the last minute.
  • Then there are those times when everything is clean, surfaces are clear, papers are filed, and things are where they should be. My mind is free of clutter and I can work efficiently.

At each end of the spectrum, there comes a point where I over balance:

  • In the case of the first, there’s just too much in my head. I can’t see where one idea finishes and the next begins. I can’t quite grasp what needs to be done, and I roam around in there getting lost and feeling increasingly out of control.
  • In the case of the second, the order is confining. The empty spaces need to be filled, creatively I’m editing myself. The output is effective, but it’s not imaginative or inspired.

I’m lucky- the opposition in my chart is an “easy” opposition. Relief is found through the sextile to Jupiter and Neptune, and, through them, the trines back to the other end of the kite. It’s the tension in my opposition- those moments of imbalance- that helps me make the most of my grand trine.

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Anyways, must be off- I have 62 daily horoscopes to write this weekend… plus March stars for High Heels and Hangovers, and the formatting on my manuscript. It will be a busy one…see you on the other side!

Joxxx