On the telly thing for The Conversation Arena the other night, Ben asked me whether the corporate energy drained me. He asked me the same question, back in November, in the first radio interview we did.
My answer on Wednesday night was different to what it was when he first asked.
That first time I answered in the affirmative- yes, it did drain me, it made me feel empty- and when I feel empty I eat to fill the gaps…and I engage in typical Piscean escapist behaviour. I did all of that back then.
This time around it feels different, so I answered differently.
I’m working for the same company I left two years ago, I’m even doing a similar job, but I feel very differently about it. This time around, I’m energised and stimulated, where last time I felt drained and empty.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m exhausted. I’m still teaching my weekly astro class, and am juggling deadlines for writing work that I’d already committed to. I haven’t worked on my fiction, other personal writing or managed more than a couple of times at the gym over the last few weeks. I’m expecting things will settle down soon.
My writing, my teaching, my astrology, even the little bit of broadcasting I do- all of those activities fit my chart perfectly. So why then, would I compromise that to take a corporate role- especially one that left me so unfulfilled emotionally and creatively last time? Aside from money, of course…
Here’s why it feels different this time:
I’m a New Moon girl
Last time, I spent the last couple of years in a position of maintaining the status quo, and the last year in winding down, finishing up, demolishing what had been built. At the time, the demolition bit suited the Pluto transit I was having, but other than that, finishing things isn’t an energy I’m comfortable with.
I was born under a New Moon. I find uncharted territory exciting.
I’m more into start-ups- and even though this is an existing business I’m working in, what we’re doing feels new. There’s nothing business as usual about it.
I like commitment on my own terms
I don’t do commitment well. And yes, I realise that’s a strange thing for someone to say who’s been in a relationship with the same man for 25 years. Since I was 20, I’ve also, only worked for two companies- each for twelve years (yep, a Jupiter cycle).
With Uranus prominent in my chart (opposite my ASC, Sun, Moon, conjunct Uranus and sextile Jupiter and Neptune), I tend to feel trapped after a time, and periodically look to break free and seek to reinvent myself.
I can stay in long term situations only when I have room to move.
Towards the end last time, I was feeling trapped. This time around I’m on a contract- it’s short term. I can breathe.
I like to be creative
I have the Sun in Pisces, so no matter what I do for a job, I need to be inspired. Although I’m working in a corporate environment, my current role requires me to look for creative and unusual (hello Uranus) solutions to existing problems.
Jupiter (in the 5th) rules my career zone- creativity is an absolute deal breaker for me.
The challenge thing
I have Mars in the 8th house in Scorpio. I like to get under the covers of things, dig down to the root cause of a problem. I like to prove what I know to be true. More than that, and this part sounds arrogant, I like to heal and transform- whether that’s through my astro, my writing or, in this case, a business issue.
Pluto is also very prominent in my chart. I like to pull things apart and tear them down and turn them into something else- metaphorically speaking, of course.
I like to make a difference
With Sagittarius ruling my Midheaven, not only do I need room to move, but I also need to make a difference. My writing work, the bits and pieces in broadcasting and teach absolutely fit the bill, but for now, so does this. Besides, with Sagittarius on the Midheaven, I work best when I have multiple deadlines, and more than one “job”.
The money thing
I have Aries on the cusp of my 2nd house, so I’m fine with the perceived instability of contracting.
The attachment thing
With the Moon in Pisces, I need to feel attached…yet I’m not attached to what I’m doing now. I am, however, working for and with one of my closest friends. And that’s where the attachment piece is.
I am attached to my writing- possibly too attached…which is why I’m (not necessarily stepping back) but standing back a tad. The rejections have been getting me down. More concerning, I’ve almost become attached in a weird way to the excuse of and the habit of rejection. It’s almost an escape. The best way to deal with this is to change that habit.
The Saturn thing
I have Saturn transits this year, and that requires maturity, practicality and realism. Part of me feels as though I’m selling out, but the part of me that is looking to re-build the financial coffers and independence is absolutely fine with this…for now. I love to write, I love to travel, I love to experience, I love to be inspired- I can’t do any of that if I’m not able to resource it- myself…and that’s my Taurus North Node speaking.
And my point is?
My point is, on paper what I’m doing now, for now, is absolutely not what I should be doing. Yet right now, for now, it ticks the boxes and satisfies the requirements of my natal chart. For now- after all, I wouldn’t want to tie myself down… Having said that, I do have Neptune sitting smack bang on Mercury, so maybe I’m being delusional…
There is no single, right career. If we’re fortunate we have a choice- although many don’t.
Sometimes what we should be doing is the thing that scares us the most. Sometimes we might need to go back in order to go forward. Sometimes we might need to look laterally rather than literally at our chart. In doing so, we can find pleasure, solace and satisfaction even in a role that at face value is wrong.
More on that next time…