As I write this, I’m in my home office with my dog snoring happily in the beanbag beside me.
The door is shut, I have my headphones on, and a playlist that includes a little Passenger, Xavier Run, Angus and Julia Stone, Ben Howard, Vance Joy and The Audreys is piping through my ears.
I can’t hear it, but outside this room Miss 16 is pushing the vacuum around and hubby is outside doing something to leaves with an electric blower.
I should be cleaning the house, but instead I’m locked in here, away from the noise, but with my own noise calming me down. I’m restless, I’m claustrophobic, I feel hemmed in, and I’m trying desperately not to lash out at my family who are completely innocent.
As Passenger just sang ‘everyone’s filling me up with noise and I don’t know what they’re talking about. All I need is a whisper in a word that only shouts.’
This morning at my regular monthly pain fest aka hairdressing appointment (curls like mine matt and knot madly the minute they see a brush), I asked my hairdresser to cut it all off. Part of it was I quite liked my green wig. I told her that and she reminded me that my hair doesn’t sit like that- it would require blow drying and straightening every day and I’m more of a take your hair out of the towel and scrunch it up a bit type of girl. Part of it was the knots, but most of it was boredom and a craving for radical change. She knows me well and simply said, ‘I think you’d be better painting something.’ She also reminded me that my curls are about chaos and freedom and being myself.
Normally when I feel like this, I’d be exercising madly to get through the ball of reckless, restless energy that’s lodged itself in my chest. But right now, my back is chronic, so anything more energetic than bellydance hip circles or yoga is out of the question.
What’s going on? Aside from the fact that the Moon was today squaring off against Uranus, Uranus is stationing a couple of degrees shy of my natal Venus. My personal Uranian story is one of constant reinvention and a pull closer pull apart, leave me alone I’m lonely sort of thing. I get that- it’s who I am…
I was last like this about 8 years ago when Uranus first came within a few degrees of my Ascendant. That’s when I decided to grow my hair for the first time in my life- it felt like a rebellion. Now that Uranus is in the 2nd, I have more of an urge to tame it a little- although I’m conscious that because Saturn is trine my Ascendant and Sun, that it’s perhaps more Saturn trying to tell me to grow up, be mature and act my age. It’s a little like how my mother is always telling me that when I had short hair it looked so much neater and more controlled…My Sun-Uranus opposition hears that as I was more controlled.
So, I didn’t chop it all off. Instead I had it layered up quite heavily, and got a bit of a side fringe thingie in.
Uranus will turn retrograde before it conjuncts my Venus. This hemmed in feeling I have today is, I think, the Full Moon triggering it. So rather than doing anything rash, that I’m likely to regret, I think I’ll stay in here for a bit longer…
Happy Full Moon.