Something about 20 years ago today…


It’s my wedding anniversary today.

It’s not just any wedding anniversary- it’s our 20th. And, we were together for five years before we did the whole white dress, make it legal thing.

If I were being political, which of course I’m not, at this point I’d add that I’m grateful we have the option of doing so…but I’m not going there.

Anyways, 20 years married.

It hasn’t been bliss- most marriages aren’t. If it were, I probably wouldn’t still be here- complete compatibility, like complete commitment, isn’t my thing. That’s not to say that we’re not compatible and I’m not committed- of course we are and I am. It’s just that he knows me well enough to know that space when I need it is necessary for me, and I know him well enough to know when to seek that space out and when to stay close.

Nor is it perfect- something I constantly have to remind my Virgo Descendant of. Besides, if it were, Uranus and Pluto sitting on the Descendant would do something to stir that up.

My mother has always said that I’m hell to live with- and I am. With as much Pluto and Uranus as I have, I’m constantly doing the power, control, reinvention and freedom thing. I’m also full of Pisces and Neptune, so am super duper emotionally charged and sensitive- and live in a world not entirely based in reality. My moods are explosive and random, and my soapbox rants legendary.

On the other hand, his chart is full of Libran planets- that fill up the empty spaces in my no air chart nicely- so partnership is his thing. Despite his Scorpio Sun and Mars (it’s a 6th house one, so I tell him that my 8th house Scorpio Mars will trump his every day) he’d prefer to find a peaceful outcome to a conflict any day.

His Moon is in Gemini, so he needs social interaction much more than my Pisces Moon does, and his Taurus Ascendant and Libra Venus likes to let it be from a position on the couch while I flit around looking for something to keep my Venus in Aries amused.

I’m challenged from a boundary and reality viewpoint, and his Saturn in Capricorn provides a necessary grounding. On the other side of the coin, my Jupiter in Cancer and all of that Neptune brings in faith and light.

So, somehow it works.

That’s the thing about relationship astrology- the challenges in the synastry often show as much about what keeps a couple together as the obviously compatible aspects. It’s the challenges that help us to grow- although, on the flip side, too much challenge, or too much resistance to growth and it’s this that can also help us grow apart.

Aside from the obvious changes- we’re both 20 years older, my hair hadn’t yet been coloured and I was 30 kilos lighter- we’ve both changed inside as well. He’s still in the same company he was in when we met back in 1989, and I’m on my third complete career reinvention- banker to project manager to astrologer and writer. He has grown into his Capricorn Saturn and gained that assurance that Saturn brings with age. There are other differences too- most of which have come from our shared experiences.

The fixed elements, Taurus Ascendant and Libra Mercury and Venus in my hubby’s chart would prefer a comfortable, easy life. He needs to feel uncomfortable in order to make changes. I help (although he’d probably dispute the word) with that.

I’m the opposite- I don’t know when to stop and feel content. Yet, in order to finish anything, that’s what I have to do. He’s the one that brings me back to earth and centres me.

You can see that in our composite chart- a technique where the two charts are merged into one. In ours, my Venus is conjunct the Ascendant, and his Venus is conjunct the Descendant. That makes sense.

The composite chart has a Capricorn Sun opposite a Cancer Venus- both of which have been hit by the cardinal cross. As I said, no marriage is bliss. That makes sense- each of us have our own, shall we say, challenges at present. These transits are wake up calls, and that’s never a bad thing.

So, 20 years today.

Back then we couldn’t afford any more than a long weekend up in the Gold Coast for our honeymoon- we hadn’t long bought a house, and both had potential redundancies hanging over our heads. So next week we’re off to Bali- it seems a fitting way to kick off the next 20.

For more on DIY relationship astrology, check out What’s love got to do with it?