There is a point in time when a nasty case of the “untils” and “whens” turn into a more potentially chronic, and infinitely more dangerous, case of the “why me’s” or more accurately, the “why not me’s.”
You know the thing- “I can’t do x until….”, “I will do y when…” and then you see good things happening easily to other people and you can’t help but wonder “why not me?”
This isn’t something that I indulge in regularly- the “why not me’s”, that is. I’m usually extremely happy to hear about the good fortune of others- and why shouldn’t I be? I’ve always landed on my feet, and in truth am blessed with so much. Hello- I’m packing to go to Bali as we speak! Just how lucky can one girl be?
I try not to fall past “until” and “when” into “why me” and “why not me” simply because it is such classic Piscean victim mentality.
So, the post I wrote this morning, I discarded. Just like that.
I don’t have a strong sense of Saturn, so it’s as if, at these times, the Universe is sending the message that if I really desire something, I have to believe in it, be prepared to sweat and hurt for it, and have faith that I will get there.
It’s happening again. Just lately I am hearing stories of good fortune- people getting publishers, agents, being head hunted, having amazing roles just handed to them on a platter. In all bar one case I am really happy for them (the exception is…well, you don’t need to know about that- lets just say that Mr Karma has been very slow in biting this particular person back on the arse).
I am tempted to give up and go back into the safe world of Corporate with a regular pay cheque. This just seems so hard.
In all bar one case (yep, that one), behind the scenes those people have worked long and hard at their craft, their networks, their talents, and now are reaping the rewards of that work. Despite what seems like an easy win (on the surface), the hard yards have been put in.
I’ve finished my chick lit book, and am struggling with the concept of perceived rejection- yet in truth, need to find someone who will read even just the first few pages! I’m about to start my second. I’m also almost at the point where I can start to spruik around my Astro book.
The “untils” have already started. As have the “whens”. The “why not me’s” will inevitably follow- unless I give myself a good kick up the butt and remember just why it is so hard- it’s hard because it matters that much.
I’m starting the 2nd book before I have a publisher for the first because I quite simply can’t wait until the first is settled. I have to keep writing and I have to keep believing- because it matters that much. I have to have faith that I am on the right track.
So, I’m giving myself a good hard kick up the butt and reminding myself just how good life is and how many things there are to be grateful for…before finishing the packing.
Which brings me to Sunday/Mondays New Moon (9.47am Monday morning, Sydney time, 7.37am Bali time, 11.47am New Zealand time and Sunday afternoon and evening in the Northern Hemisphere).
I’ve posted some great links on the Jo Tracey Facebook page, so wander over there & have a look.
This is falling at 0 Gemini 20’ and will form a T square with Neptune in Pisces and the North Node across in Sagittarius. Dreams can come true, but faith is required.
The ruler of the North Node (Jupiter) and the ruler of this New Moon (Mercury) are conjunct in Taurus. There is joint theme here of letting something go in order to explore something else. Truth, light, and communication.
Another thing to remember is that all New Moons come with a completely black, blank canvas. An opportunity to start again. This one is also a solar eclipse, so the Sun is blocked by the Moon. These are always major endings and beginnings as the past is let go.
Think back to themes of May 1993, when the solar eclipse was at the same degree. Personally for me, that period of time was a watershed.
We had moved from Canberra to Sydney the previous September. Unable to sell our home in Canberra, we had left all of our possessions and our dog down there while we lived in a Bank provided rental that was full of cockroaches.
Hubby had moved up on a transfer, while I was on branch relief. We both also held down extra jobs on the Banks Home Line Call Centre to save extra money. We were in between houses and I was in between jobs. We had always planned to get engaged when we settled and now it seemed our entire future was in limbo. So many times I just wanted to run back to Canberra and our little house, our stuff and our dog. I was impatient for it all to be over.
And when it was over, it was over in a flash. Within the space of a few weeks in May and June 93 we found a house, went out on a limb with a bridging loan, both received letters to say that our jobs would be spilled, sold the house in Canberra, and were both confirmed in new permanent roles with promotions and paid out the bridging finance.
The eclipse was the trigger.
Check out your own chart. Have you got planets or chart points in the first couple of degrees of Gemini, Pisces, Virgo or Sagittarius? What about Aries, Leo, Libra or Aquarius?
When it comes to eclipses, the “untils” and “whens” seek to exist. It just is.