Last month on Facebook, I changed my relationship status with Saturn to “deregistered”. Astro pals, Facebook friends, and Twitter followers would know that this separation has been a long time in the works. If asked, I would cite irreconcilable differences. By de-registering Saturn, I could therefore, in true Piscean style, ignore the transits that he was getting really serious about.
However, Saturn, as I have discovered this week, really does not like to be ignored. He is like the auditor who turns up with the same tie halfway up his chest and with the same green pen asks the same question over and over and flipping over until he gets the answer that he wanted in the first place.
As Steve Forrest has so beautifully put it, Saturn wants you to climb a mountain. Apparently you can’t just go out, look for a suitable mountain and climb the thing. Oh, no. This has to be Biggest Loser style where you hike to the foothills in badly fitting boots so you end up with blisters. Then you get your backpack and fill it with the amount of weight you have to lose and then start the struggle up the mountain, facing sheer cliff faces, falling rocks, more blisters and other obstacles. Then you get to the top, sit on it for a while savouring the view, shed a few tears over the journey and the lessons you have learned and go back down again. Whatever.
Saturn, in my chart, is in the 1st degree of Aries in the 1st house. So, my attitude to climbing physical and metaphorical mountains is pretty well one of “getting it over with”. Once I am at the top, I don’t have time to faff around. I take a photo of the view and move on.
Saturn to me has always represented the things I dislike fear- authority, boundaries, constraints, time. Saturn forms no (in sign) aspects to any other planet in my chart. Having no strong Capricorn or Aquarian influences, I tend not to integrate Saturn on a day to day basis. And that, I think, has really started to piss him off. It has only been in the last few years that I really started to notice the annoyance of a Saturn transit, and only in the last 6 months or so that I have actually considered what it should mean.
When Saturn was in Leo and moving through my 6th house of, as I term it, “health stuff, feeling crap and outsourced services, everything I had outsourced, was in-sourced:
- My cleaner moved – which at 1st was OK because it meant I didn’t need to confront her over how she kept putting things back on my sideboard in pairs and a straight line when I liked them grouped in uneven numbers and off centre.
- My Hairdresser closed
- My Beautician had a baby and closed shop
- The guy who cleaned cars at work and left a chocolate on the dash for me sold the business
- The family vet retired
Inconvenient, but hardly life-changing.
During this period, I also lost a heap of weight in an Aries Saturn fashion- quickly, without staying power. I took the 6th house lesson without really learning it. As soon as I relaxed back into my old habits, the weight crept back on- I had not learned anything- except that Saturn doesn’t do compromise.
When Saturn was in the 5th, I came face to face with and dealt maturely with long running fertility issues. While he was in the 4th we used the equity in our property to invest in other real estate. Unconsciously, I had done the Saturn work asked during each of those transits, so why not now? Aside from a dalliance with Jupiter (and its square to Venus) during that nasty 5th house time, Saturn’s transits had really not aspected any of my personal planets. I had not had to confront my own Saturn story.
Now that Saturn is in the 7th house he is opposing all of my 1st house Pisces planets and squaring the Midheaven and IC. He is also joining forces with other members of the Karmic Council as he meets up with Pluto, Uranus and sextiles Neptune. No longer an inconvenience, this is now personal. With transits like those below, over the next 12-18 months (not even including the fun that Uranus is continuing to have at my expense), even I can no longer ignore the message:
- Saturn square MC/IC
- Saturn conjunct DC (opp ASC)
- Saturn conjunct Pluto (which seems fair as Pluto is squaring natal Saturn after having his fun with my Moon)
- Saturn opposes Sun (exact this week)
- Saturn conjunct Uranus
- Saturn opposes Chiron, trine Jupiter, trine Neptune
- Saturn opposes Moon
- Saturn opposes Saturn
- Saturn opposes Venus
Only Mercury and Mars miss out- Saturn hit them in 2008. Obviously, the Universe is telling me I need to reassess my relationship with Saturn and look at patching things up with him.
Whilst I have always preferred to lead, I don’t particularly enjoy the responsibility of a team. In the workplace, I will set goals and ensure they are completed, but personally, I have always been quite directionless. I am impatient, easily frustrated and don’t queue well. This is Saturn in Aries.
I have always felt that I am not quite good enough, that I won’t be “chosen”. I have never stopped to think what actually constitutes “good enough” or what I want to be “chosen” for. As a result, I have hidden behind these fears and excuses and my own self imposed responsibility for others and have never quite lived up to my own potential. I have succeeded in many things, but always find a new road before mastering anything completely. This protects me from rejection- from a fear that my best may still not be “good enough”. This is Saturn in the 1st house.
With Saturn moving through the 7th house, I also have to look closely at the relationships I need to help me with my (as yet undefinedJ) goals and to re-commit to those people. I think (and hope) I am doing that, although the process has not been without pain, insecurity and the occasional kick in the guts. And I am still not sure I am on the right track.
Over the last 12 months or so a number of people I have loved dearly have moved away. Whilst I felt their loss, it also opened my social calendar to let others in. As Saturn rules the 11th house in my chart, it also rules my friends and community, as well as my hopes and dreams.
So, maybe Saturn is asking me to put some structure and definition around my hopes and dreams, accept myself and commit to those relationships that I need in my life, whilst removing those habits and people which quite literally are weighing me down. I am getting closer to knowing what I want, who I want to be, and how I want to be seen. I am also getting closer to understanding those parts of me which are holding me back. I am starting to realise that Saturn lesson is to learn to accept myself, to learn direction, and to learn to enjoy the journey and the achievement. I can still take the photo, but need to savour the view before moving on to whatever is next. In true 1st house fashion, I beginning to realise that I am my own mountain.