Love Etc…How Do You Know?

In time for Valentines Day week, the 1st post in my mini series on Relationship Astrology.

Ice Heart in Times Square. Valentines Day 2010. Pic by me.
Ice Heart in Times Square. Valentines Day 2010. Pic by me.

Naomi: There are the people who are right for you on paper & the people who are just right.

Pete: Is it settling if you just go with the person who is right for you on paper?

Naomi: Maybe there is nothing wrong with settling.

Pete: Sometimes the person who is just right doesn’t want you.

Naomi: Or they do, and they’re just wrong

Private Practice Series 3

It’s like in the trailer for that movie How Do You Know? (which I haven’t seen…) where Owen Wilson’s character says something like ‘How do you know when you’re in love?’ and his mate says something like ‘you’re in love when you wear condoms with the other girls.’

I was drafting a blog at the hairdressers the other day- just one of the things I do to pass the time rather than read endless variations on celebrity scandals in trashy mags. Unable to leave me alone, the apprentice asked what I was writing about. A discussion ensued followed by the inevitable question:

‘If, like, I am a Cancer and he is a Gemini… are we, like, meant to be together forever?’

If only it were that easy.

I remember back in High School (& later) when I first had an interest in astrology turning straight to the appropriate section in Dolly/ Cleo/ Cosmo to find out whether my latest crush was compatible with my Pisces self. Back in those days I didn’t know that there was more to me than just being a Pisces. But then again, that is the case with most of us.

Sure there is some pretty obvious sun sign compatibility- I know so many Scorpio-Pisces matches, for example (I believe that Pisces is possibly the only sign that can lighten the Scorpio load and Scorpio is the only sign that can truly understand the emotional currents of the fish).  But that isn’t to say that many other not so obvious matches won’t be successful.

As an example, my parents are an Aquarius- Scorpio marriage that has (so far) lasted 47 years, but on paper should have lasted 47 minutes- Aquarius being the most emotionally detached of the signs and Scorpio requiring complete emotional merging at a soul level. Yet it has.

Two of our closest friends are a Cancer- Sagittarius match. One that on paper shouldn’t work. But it has done…for 25 years. And not in a we’ll stay together forever for the kids sake way, but in a we really belong together way.

We bring our Sun signs to every relationship we are in, but there is so much more to compatibility than that. We also bring our emotional needs (Moon), relating patterns (Venus), the way we think and communicate (Mercury) and our sex drives (Mars).  Saturn helps us with commitment and responsibility whilst Jupiter can show our risk adversity.

We bring our charts to each relationship. None of these elements is more important than the other, but they all work together to form who we are & what we need from a relationship- whether it be with a significant other, a friend, a business colleague or…whatever.

In relationship astrology we look at:

  • What each individual needs from relationship
  • What each individual can bring to the relationship
  • How the charts interact with each other

We look at the synastry of the relationship.

Some couples need full compatibility, some couples need some tension or discordant connections, some couples need the full on difference thing. Some couples are together for the kids, for the security, for the companionship or for the sex…and will last as long as each of these motivators stay on the table. And there is nothing wrong with that.

In this mini-series I don’t want to get into the debate around the relevance of marriage or whether there is any such thing as a soulmate or one person who is right for you or past life connections or love at first sight. Love is what it is.

Each astrologer has their own method of looking at relationships. This is mine.

  • Check out the basic Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars compatibility on an elemental basis
  • Look at each persons’ chart to see what they need in a relationship:
    • Check out the 7th house, the 7th house ruler & any planets in the 7th
    • Look at Venus- the sign, the house, the aspects
    • Look at Mars- the sign, the house, the aspects
  • Check out the aspects person As’ chart makes person Bs’
    • Personal planets A– personal planets B & vice versa
    • Personal planets A- Jupiter & Saturn B & vice versa
    • Personal planets A- Outer Planets B & vice versa
    • Where personal planets are the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus & Mars and the outer planets are Uranus, Neptune & Pluto
  • Look at where the planets fall in each chart eg what house does B’s Sun fall into in A’s chart
  • To take it a couple of steps further you can also look at the Composite Chart for the relationship ie what the chart looks like when combined, and any aspects by antiscia…but that is taking it to the nth degree.

In the next post we will look at the quick and dirty (so to speak) method for elemental comparisons.