This is who I am….

I have no idea who to credit for this- but whoever you are, thank you.
I have no idea who to credit for this- but whoever you are, thank you.

We’ve talked before about how the stationing degree of a planet- especially an outer planet- is important.

Because the outer planets move so slowly and take a while to pick up any sort of speed, they tend to be at or around the station degree for quite a while.

We saw it earlier this year with Saturn who was at or around 11Scorpio 30ish for ages.

We’re seeing it now with Uranus sitting 12 Aries 26, after turning Rx a couple of weeks ago at 12 Aries 31’.

What we haven’t spoken so much about is what happens when an outer planet sits on the cusp of a house at the stationing point- especially the retrograde station point.

You see, nothing happens without reason. I tend to believe that concept more than most others. Even when it’s crap stuff and you’re a nice person, there’s a reason…even if you don’t like the reason, there’s a reason.

When one of the slow movers gets almost all of the way out of a house and then turns around and comes back in, it can only mean one thing- there’s something that you haven’t finished learning or doing or changing.

I’ve spoken before about Uranus and his transit through my first house.

Uranus and I are well acquainted. He sits on the other side of my chart opposite my Ascendant, Sun and Moon. He chats easily to Jupiter and Neptune, turns his back on Venus and schemes up things with Pluto.

Pisces and Neptune influenced Suns don’t normally get the Uranus message easily- it’s because we don’t have the boundaries that other signs do. It’s also because if you don’t know where you end and the next person begins how can you be unapologetically you? So much of who I am changes depending on who I’m with- very few people see anything more than what I allow them to see. That’s a very Neptune and Pisces thing to do.

In the 7th house, my Uranus life lesson is to learn how to be authentically myself in relationship. I think it’s fairly safe, in light of the above statement, to say that I’m not quite there yet. Yet every Uranus transit is designed to bring me closer to that- that’s what Uranus transits are supposed to do. Sorry- they don’t do it, I do…the transit simply provides the right climate in which to do so.

Anyways, Uranus and I met for the first time properly back in late 2005 when he joined up with my natal Mercury.

At the time I was being hit from all corners by Pluto squares being fired from somewhere at the top of my chart- first to the Ascendant, then to the Sun. It was a little like when you join a striped candy up with a freckle in Candy Crush and it fires laser shots all around the board.

Then, a couple of years later, as I turned 40, Uranus crossed my Ascendant for the first time. Pluto was squaring my Moon. And life as I knew it changed forever. I felt younger, I felt like more was possible, I felt trapped and I felt free- all at the same time. Not immediately, it was more subtle and sudden and amazing and hard than that. And yes, I’m aware that these terms all contradict each other.

Over the last six years Uranus has been back and forward over my Ascendant, Sun, Chiron, Moon and Saturn. He’s opposed Pluto, opposed himself, linked hands with Jupiter and Neptune and fought off assaults from a try hard Saturn- who, when he was in Virgo, was urging me to slow down and be aware of the consequences.

Throughout it all, Uranus’s mission has been unchanged- to push me towards a version of me that was different in many ways to the version that I had been existing with.

The restlessness started in my chest and kept me awake at nights.  At first I resisted. I ate and drank too much- in an effort to not feel it, to resist the temptation. I knew that if I allowed myself to feel it, I’d be likely to do something just for the sake of releasing the butterflies that go with that level of excitement.

Suppressing it didn’t work and resisting it just resulted in disruption. So I changed tack- I began to run with it- literally. I was fitter than I’d ever been and far from pushing the excitement away, the exercise gave me the courage to take action.

Situations were presented to me that I would never before have recognised, let alone contemplated. What followed was an amazing roller coaster of a ride. In letting go of expectations, whole new possibilities opened up.

Because the transit was through my 1st house, my appearance changed, my job changed, my home life changed and my relationships changed. And, in hindsight, all for the better.

Uranus is still in my 1st house, but hasn’t made any important aspects since a conjunction with Saturn (at 1 Aries). Life has settled down, but just lately I’ve been noticing a few things.

I’ve got scared again. I’m beginning to dress dowdier, older, frumpier- the way I dressed before it all started. I’m feeling my age and, I think, looking it. I’m drinking more and putting on weight. I’m re-building layers around myself- unattractive layers designed to protect me from who knows what- when every instinct is telling me to peel them back. I’m trying to suppress the wildness that is building inside me again. I really should know better.

The other day, when Mars squared Uranus it hit me- the way that I’m feeling now is exactly the way that I felt all those years ago. Uranus isn’t doing this to me- nor is Saturn (the main culprit in the aging and fear process)…I’m doing it to myself.

Another thing hit me- Uranus had turned retrograde just minutes before he would have moved out of my 1st house.

I obviously haven’t yet learnt what it is that he needs to tell me.

And that’s when I went back to my chart- Saturn’s transit through my 8th house and Scorpio was when the layers started to come back. Fear. Specifically fear of losing control, of losing power, of losing income and of other 8th house themes.

And you know what? Saturn did the same earlier this year- teetered on the edge of leaving my 8th house and came back again.

I haven’t yet learnt what it is that he needs to tell me either.

Which brings me (finally) to my point- free will always comes into play. The planets aren’t something we can blame when things don’t turn out the way we hoped… they simply provide the environment- what we do with it is up to us.

again thank you to whoever...
again thank you to whoever…

 

4 comments

  1. Wowser Meowser Jo! I am in awe of your honesty and pluck.
    I’m not that many years into astrology but I’ve looked at my chart and realized that by the end of Pluto in Cap, he will have conjuncted or opposed every planet and my AC/DC/IC/MC. I guess I’m meant to be Pluto-ized!
    What gets to me – as per the quote you shared earlier – is when astrologers parse the toughies as ultra negative. Sometimes it really hurts to read insensitive remarks about conditions in one’s life – just as if one was the butt of handicapped jokes – when one is looking for a helpful hint or even just some buck up encouragement along the road.
    I’ve got other mega transits happening and coming along – like that Saturn/Venus/NN in Scorp next month exact my Venus/Sat and I am trying to see how it could maybe be a gift instead of a booby prize.
    Thanks for helping and sharing.

    1. It’s harder to see past the negativity than it is to acknowledge that even tough transits can be good. Pluto is one of them. It’s so slow moving that it’s hard to see the positives, yet handled well Pluto can get to the very soul of you- but to do that requires the courage to dig deep. As for Saturn/Venus? That one can feel isolating, but again, sometimes you have to go into that in order to get real about the patterns of relating. All the very best with it…

  2. Wow!! I can relate to this so much. I have pluto transiting my first house and Uranus stiing on my natal Saturn and Mars in the 4th. RESTLESS and losing sleep as well. I could have written this myself. Thank you for sharing

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