So anyways, I started yesterday with a to do list for the weekend.
It read something like:
Buy shoes that don’t eat feet
Buy Miss T Art Project supplies
Buy present for Abby’s 16th birthday party tonight
Clean main bathroom- Miss T
Vacuum- Mr T
Washing (2 loads done)
Clean out wardrobe to make room for new work clothes (currently in bags on the floor)
File accounts and bills
Pay car insurance and registration
Plan meals for week
Prepare Tuesday nights dinner for freezer
Prepare dessert for pantry combo dinner next door
Write and submit April New Age News article
Full Moon blog
Client reading (booked prior to knowing I was going back to work)
Long walk (Saturday)
Gym with Miss T (Sunday)
Word count (new fiction)- 5000
Edit chapters (WIP)- 4
Sure it’s an ambitious list, but working full time, plus trying to keep up even some of the momentum on my existing business means I have to at least try and stay on top of my fiction word count and astro writing. Besides, I’m not doing any pitching for freelance work at present, nor am I booking any more client work.
Yesterday started well.
I pushed out the article for New Age News and yesterdays blog entry before I got out of bed.
We were at the shops by 10am and back by 1pm. It still remains to be seen whether the shoes (that seemed so comfortable in the shops) remain so on my feet.
Ahead of schedule, I decided to take 30 minutes and do my fingernails. Ok, I’ll call it what it was- my list was overwhelming, so I was procrastinating. So, I open the bathroom cabinet in our ensuite to find the colour I was after (a dark navy blue) and instead had a flip out about the mess.
Three hours later I’ve organised the lot, having thrown out bags of empty perfume and aftershave bottles, makeup compacts I’ll never use again, separated nail polishes, dried up mascaras, all those samples that my husband insists on taking from hotels with the “this will come in handy one day” excuse. Everything is now in clear storage containers where I can see it. As an aside, I have 10 different shades of red polish, and 6 different blacks- and that’s before I get into the other colour families. I later found the colour I needed in Miss T’s bathroom.
Fast forward to now, Sunday morning, and I’ve just snapped at Mr T for having the temerity to interrupt me so he can use the PC to look up the football (English Premier League) results and see how he went in his tipping competition. Doesn’t he know how much I have to do today? It’s alright for him, he just has one job he has to get up and go to- I have one and a half (I’ve let the other half go)…plus everything that has to be done at home…no one else is going to do any of that…not properly.
Yes, I’m overwhelmed, and when I’m overwhelmed I slip into Pisces victim mode and escape into the shadow of my Virgo opposite- hypercritical, martyr… My personal interests slip, my exercise routine falls away, I drink too much and nothing gets done because there’s so much to do and I simply don’t know where to start. More importantly, life becomes duty bound with no room for fun.
The thing is, there’s something that’s more than a little indulgent is straying into no one does anything properly, I’ve got too much to do mode. It provides an excuse for not getting anything done at all. It provides an excuse for not doing the things I need to do to allow my dreams to come true.
In nagging about how the kitchen bench needs cleaning off again, and how I’ve asked for the bathroom and vacuuming to be done, and what about my writing work and how I never have any time to do what I want to be doing, somehow I don’t get anything achieved…which allows for the cycle to continue. I find myself saying things like “I couldn’t get that publishing deal, because I had to clean the bathroom instead of completing my word count.” Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea. The thing is, it gives me something else to blame, rather than accepting the consequences of my own actions (or failure to act).
Now, I know the theory. When you’re overwhelmed by the enormity of what you have to do, prioritise it, then pick one thing…and finish it.
I also know that the other thing that needs to be done in these circumstances is to let it be.
Let what be? The things that overwhelm you, the pursuit of perfection, the escape into duty over relaxation, service rather than ritual.
And no, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that need to be done, that should be done. What it means is that not everything has to be done. Not. Right. Now.
The Pisces/Virgo axis is that area where we work so hard for absolute perfection that we forget all about moderating behaviours and pleasures. It is also this axis where we project our own imperfections (or perceived limitations) onto those around us. It is where we discriminate and where we are completely indiscriminate.
It’s this axis that is under the spotlight at Monday mornings (or Sunday, if you’re in the Northern hemisphere) Full Moon. It’s where earthy practicality is given to inspiration and fantasy.
Full Moons are usually a realization. Sure, they can also be an event, but very often that “event” is what’s happening within us- what we’re learning, what we suddenly know.
Virgo is, like all earth signs, sensual and body aware. So, at this Full Moon, rather than looking at the usual Virgo stuff, let’s think about this dichotomy in terms of body and spirit or judgement and non-judgement. What about thinking not about where we see perfection, seek perfection, idealise perfection but rather where we choose not to make judgement, choose to overlook those niggly little concerns and instead embrace what is, and let the rest be.
Now, excuse me- I have to rip up my to do list….but, before I do that, I’ll tick off Full Moon blog and paint my nails. Now, where did I put that navy polish?