Left to my own devices, I probably would…

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Caution: This post comes with a too much information warning…

So anyways, I’ve been reading all the blurbs about the Sun being in Gemini. I’ve even been writing some of them. You know, things like how the words are flowing, things are busier, social activities are more fun, the mood is lighter…those sorts of things.

The thing is, I don’t feel any of these things. I feel the opposite. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to have fun, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to ask questions, and my ear hurts. Ok, that last bit is as a result of an ear infection I brought back from Bali, but it’s also a little like I don’t want to listen, I don’t want to hear, I don’t want the noise…it’s all too much and too challenging.

I get like this at this time of the year. It’s Gemini. I suspect, though, that with transiting Neptune still chatting to Mercury, it’s helping it feel, well, more of whatever it is that I feel at this time of the year. If I were to try and put it into words (which is apparently what you do at Gemini times) I’d say that it feels as though my membranes have been invaded, that all my defences are down.

I open Facebook each day, knowing that I should be interested in what’s happening, but really don’t want to interact. In fact, I’m going through another of those phases where I want to close Facebook down. I open my favourite news websites, and can’t get any enthusiasm for what’s happening in the world either. It’s all so same old.

It’s ok- I’ll get better about it all the further into Gemini the Sun goes. I usually do.

If you really think about it, I’d bet that there’s certain times of the year, every year, where you feel the same. It mightn’t be Gemini time for you, it could be Virgo time or Leo time of Aquarius time…or some other time of the year, but there will be a sign when you don’t feel on top of your game.

This makes sense.

As the Sun tracks through the houses of your chart, the parts of your life, it brings light and energy with it. For that month when the Sun is in the 1st house, somehow you feel more vital, alive. When it’s in the 10th, whatever it is that you do in public is somehow busier.

When the Sun is in Gemini, it highlights my 4th house- and that’s where my focus is for that month. What it also does, is square my Pisces planets. And that’s where the challenge lies.

Pisces is private, fantastical, introspective, sensitive and seeks escape from reality and logic. Gemini wants to externalize, to talk about it, to apply logic and rationality to things. I find that tough, and completely at odds with who I am.

Words don’t come easily to me. They get stuck in my throat and often remain unsaid. Water signs tend to be naturally private and I am more watery than most, with absolutely no planets in Air signs anywhere in my chart and the worst Mercury in living history. Given that Mercury rules Gemini, I have trouble dealing with that. If I’m brutally honest with myself, I actually don’t see the need in all the endless talk and analysis and dissection. Feelings are felt, not described, and very often (at least in my watery experience) have very little to do with logic and even less to do with the detail that is often sought.

So, what does one do when one has no Air and when one has something to say? Usually nothing. Absolutely nothing. It helps that I tend to be closest to people with strong water placements (usually watery Moons)- they “get me” without me having to get the actual words out.

All of this is challenged when the Sun is in Gemini. And, as uncomfortable as it is, it’s also not a bad thing. That’s the thing about squares.

Left to my own devices, I’d spend this month hibernating, working on my fiction manuscript. Instead, June is a whirl of social activity. As I said, that’s not a bad thing- and I always enjoy myself once I make the effort to step out the front door. In fact, there are two events this month that I’m particularly looking forward to.

That’s the thing about squares- they force you to make the effort- and very often the rewards of doing so are great.

It’s not just the social part of Gemini that has me running for cover- it’s the talking bit, the rationality bit, the looking for meaning bit- and the talking about it bit…I already said that, didn’t I? I’ll add to it a feeling of invasion- as though my personal space is being filled with expectations and noise and questions about things that I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to understand the answer.

My day job is making numbers and data join up to tell a story that I don’t really care about the ending of.  The truth is, I don’t care if the numbers don’t add up, if there are inconsistencies, or if someone has underlying motives or the data is telling a different story.

The only story I do care about the ending of, is the fiction manuscript I haven’t touched in months. It’s in my head and it needs to be on the page. So I’ve challenged myself to finish the rewrite and start the round of publishing queries again.

It requires taking my words and putting them out there for others to see. Those words, my fiction words, are different to the words I write on this page, and on and anyways. Those words, my fiction words, are my darlings, my babies, and my dream…so every rejection cuts me to the core.

I’m finding it all challenging…but that’s not a bad thing.

Anyways, I have a party to go to tonight in the city, so hair to straighten, and a face to apply. I don’t really know anyone who will be there, so I’m feeling a tad overwhelmed. But before I flit off, have a think about your year. Is there any month that for you is consistently tougher than others? During that month does the Sun clash with any other planets, force you into situations that make you uncomfortable, but that deep down you know are good for you? Is it when the Sun is in a sign that you have issues dealing with, or is full of people who challenge you in some way?

Yes? Now ask yourself…is that really a bad thing, or just the Universe’s way of telling you to get over yourself and step outside your comfort zone. After all, that’s where the magic happens- and there’s not a lot  that I love more than magic…