It’s June 1993.
Things haven’t been good for a while.
Actually, that is an underestimation. Things have been crap for the last 9 months. Since we moved up from Canberra, that is.
We finally bought our house and moved our furniture and our dog up from Canberra a few weeks ago- in May. So 8 months of residential limbo was finally over. Finally. We still have a bridging loan while we wait for the sale of. A bridging loan at the extremely reasonable rate (not) of 19%- we both know that we can’t sustain 2 mortgages at that rate for long. Interest rates were high back then.
Our jobs are still in limbo. The bank that hubby (to be) and I were both working for had posted a loss the previous September and the pink slip-pers were out in force. Both hubby (to be) and I had received advices that our jobs would be spilled. He was working at a City branch that was about to be closed and I was working as a Credit Assistant at the City Regional Office- also due to be closed.
We had been working in this limbo land for some time. Hubby (to be) for the last month or so- the day we signed on for the 19% bridging loan was the day he was told his branch was closing- and me since we moved up from Canberra.
I felt that moving to Sydney was the worst mistake we had made. I felt that it would be the finish of us. I felt that the huge behemoth of an institution that we both worked for was controlling my life, our lives. I felt that we had no traction, that everything we wanted to be and do was on hold, that there was a great big black hole that all our hopes and dreams and ambitions were being shovelled into.
I thought about this constantly. I struggled to control what I couldn’t control- the actions of a faceless group of executives. I was bitter, resentful and hope-less. Yet somehow I knew things would be OK. Despite what I knew, I knew that everything would be fine.
That week in June the pink slip-pers cleaned out level 36- the NSW Chief Managers Office. Then they moved to level 35, and then level 34. Level 19, the Accounts department on Level 17, and a fair proportion of Level 9 were the next to go. The City Regional Office was on level 20.
Hubby (to be) was holding it together- he had to, I was a mess. I was angry and frustrated at the fact that an institution I had no respect for (at that point) was in complete control (as I saw it) of our joint future. Despite what I knew, my faith was shaken. I had let my head (the facts before me) rule my heart.
Then, one rainy Wednesday in June, I popped my handbag on my desk at 8am, got my first coffee of the day and was told to gather my personal things and report to Level 36. I suspected the worst so tried to call hubby (to be). His extension rang out, and these were the days before we had mobile phones.
Level 36 had floor to ceiling windows with full views of Sydney Harbour. It was also the site of a new Debt Recovery Unit of which I had been hand picked and was being promoted by 2 grades to become part of.
By the time I finally was able to find a phone and call hubby (to be) with the news, it was many hours later. He had been told that I had been summoned, had taken my personal belongings and left the floor. He knew I was a mess and had no idea what had happened to me. He also had his own news- he had received a promotion to a commercial portfolio at a major city branch. The following day the sales contract was signed on our Canberra property. It was over.
Astrologically not a lot was happening in my chart. Neptune and Uranus were sitting at 21 and 20 Capricorn respectively, so were sextile to my Sun. Pluto, at 23 Scorpio, was trine the Sun and Jupiter. So, what was the trigger?
June 1993, the lunar eclipse at (around) 14 Sagittarius was conjunct my Midheaven. And it all happened. Just like that. What the Solar eclipse started (see my post Someday Soon), the Lunar completed.
I am in the same situation now. This time I’m not at the mercy of the Bank, or looking at a prohibitive interest rate. This time I feel that my dreams and ambitions are in the hands of faceless people that I need to convince that my writing is pretty fucking awesome. This time, it is my faith in myself and my creative talents that is foundering. Deep down, I know that everything will be OK, but the facts before me and the same black hole syndrome are causing me to question that and I am feeling lower than low. The stuff I know is faffing with what I know.
Again, there is very little in my chart that is being impacted. Jupiter is sextile my Moon, Pluto is sextile the North Node, Mars is sitting on the Descendant, so opposite my ASC and square the Midheaven. Tomorrows Lunar eclipse at 14 Sagittarius is conjunct the Midheaven, and therefore square the Ascendant. History feels like it is repeating itself.
The Sagittarius Full Moon always exposes to the spotlight the chasm between facts (what we know) and faith (what we know). This is the Full Moon where we are encouraged to listen to our heart (what we know) rather than our head (what we know).
For me, this is just a degree shy of my 10th house cusp (15 Sag 14). Check out where 14 Sagittarius 14’ is in your chart, and add a couple of degrees either way. Have you got any planets or chart points between 12- 16 degrees of Sagittarius, Gemini, Pisces or Virgo?
What is happening now that was happening then? If you have points being hit by the eclipse you probably won’t have to look too hard for the similarities. You won’t need to look too hard to see where history is repeating itself.