I wrote this last year, and was amazed at just how appropriate it is for right now. I’ve updated the technical details, eg degrees and signs, but the rest remains relevant…
At the risk of over-sharing, I have personal space issues at present.
It’s that sort of metaphorical claustrophobia that comes from feeling as if there’s no room to move, as if the weight of expectations, of decisions, of responsibility is too much. It’s a feeling I know well, but manage most of the time to, well, manage.
I’m backing away from Facebook, barely posting at all on my personal page. I’ve turned off all notifications, so please don’t tag or message me- you’re unlikely to get a response at present. I’m posting mostly just from this blog to my Facebook Astrology page (so if I’m not responding to you, apologies). Instagram and Twitter somehow seem more anonymous, so I’m still active there…but you get the idea.
Thankfully my family “get” it- as do my closest friends. My daughter even commented the other day ‘I think everyone is in Mum’s head again. She needs her bubble.’
I’m not the type to want to talk it through. It’s a water thing that I make no apology for. Instead I want to escape into it and out of it. That’s a Pisces shadow thing. Once I have room to move, I’ll be fine again.
That fear extends to crowds, to boundaries, to lines- especially finishing lines. I don’t like endings. I prefer to sail past them into the possibility of beginnings.
I blame Saturn…of course. Saturn isn’t known as the Time Lord or Lord of Karma or Great Maturer (actually I made that last one up) for no reason.
Whichever way you look at it, Saturn matures. He puts boundaries around things and makes you think about things like commitment and responsibility and time and structure.
Saturn has been retrograde since mid March. During this time we should have all been using the time wisely to get our Saturn shit together.
With Saturn in Sagittarius, you started to learn to fly- peered across at the horizon. Then he went retrograde and it all might have become too real. Once he moved back into Scorpio, the focus was back on what you’re hiding under the covers, what you’re really scared of. Where do you need to face the truth- even if you think you can’t handle the truth?
Whatever Scorpio represents in your chart is where you will be asked to get real, face your fears and grow the hell up.
Now as Saturn has stationed and is contemplating his next move forward, the energy is at its’ most potent. If you have planets (especially personal planets) or chart points at 28 Scorpio, Taurus, Leo and Aquarius you will be feeling this Saturn energy more than the rest of us…enjoy.
Don’t, however, discount the so called easy aspects- eg points at 28 Cancer, Pisces, Virgo or Capricorn…especially if, like me you’re Saturn isn’t in great shape (in Aries, Cancer or Leo) or particularly strong.
This time around, Saturn has stationed trine just a few minutes of orb away from my Moon. To say I’m feeling it is an understatement. But then again, nothing happens without reason.
I think of Saturn as an auditor with a tie that is way too short, a green pen and a pad asking me questions that I don’t particularly want to answer.
My friend Clementine likens this process to an exam. Hopefully I have passed.
Saturn constricts rather than expands (which is why many astrologers see Saturn transits as being skinny transits…). He also tends to bring depression and sadness with him rather than optimism. Sort of like you are running on empty, come to the end of the road, are over it and can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. This is especially true if the station is occurring at a sensitive point in your chart. The whole point behind this is to teach us something…sort of like growing pains for grown ups. Besides, life is a mix of textures, of light and dark.
While Saturn is retrograde all of this is internalised and builds within. You have the time to think and absorb. Once Saturn turns direct, intention needs to be turned into action. That means dealing with whatever it is with maturity, commitment and responsibility.
Saturn transits can hurt, a lot- depending on your natal relationship with him. This is especially the case if your Saturn is not natally strong (take Donna Cunninghams’ Saturn quiz to check yours out…my Saturn scored just 2 points, so is particularly weak). At critical points of a Saturn transit, if (like me) your temptation is to run away from whatever it is, something will be in your way. There will be nowhere left to run. You have no choice but to stand your ground, face it like and adult and finish the job. Like a grown up.
You also have no choice but to have faith that it will be all right in the long run. And, when the noise and crowding dissipates, with space to move, think and imagine, that’s something I have absolutely no problem believing.