It’ll be alright in the long run…

no fish were harmed in the making of this image
no fish were harmed in the making of this image

At the risk of over-sharing, I have personal space issues at present.

It’s that sort of metaphorical claustrophobia that comes from feeling as if there’s no room to move, as if the weight of expectations, of decisions, of responsibility is too much. It’s a feeling I know well, but manage most of the time to, well, manage.

I’m backing away from Facebook, barely posting at all on my personal page. I’ve turned off all notifications, so please don’t tag or message me- you’re unlikely to get a response at present. I’m posting mostly just from this blog to my Facebook Astrology page (so if I’m not responding to you, apologies). Instagram and Twitter somehow seem more anonymous, so I’m still active there…but you get the idea.

Thankfully my family “get” it- as do my closest friends. My daughter even commented the other day ‘I think everyone is in Mum’s head again. She needs her bubble.’

I’m not the type to want to talk it through. It’s a water thing that I make no apology for. Instead I want to escape into it and out of it. That’s a Pisces shadow thing. Once I have room to move, I’ll be fine again.

That fear extends to crowds, to boundaries, to lines- especially finishing lines. I don’t like endings. I prefer to sail past them into the possibility of beginnings.

I blame Saturn…of course. Saturn isn’t known as the Time Lord or Lord of Karma or Great Maturer (actually I made that last one up) for no reason.

Whichever way you look at it, Saturn matures. He puts boundaries around things and makes you think about things like commitment and responsibility and time and structure.

Saturn has been retrograde since early March. During this time we should have all been using the time wisely to get our Saturn shit together.

Specifically, with Saturn in Scorpio, this is all focused on what you’re hiding under the covers, what you’re really scared of . It’s about facing the truth- even if you think you can’t handle the truth. No matter where Scorpio is in your chart, this overlays that area with a 8th house intensity. Whatever Scorpio represents in your chart, you will be asked to get real, face your fears and grow the hell up.

Now as Saturn has stationed and is contemplating his next move forward, the energy is at its’ most potent. If you have planets (especially personal planets) or chart points at 16 Scorpio, Taurus, Leo and Aquarius you will be feeling this Saturn energy more than the rest of us…enjoy.

Don’t, however, discount the so called easy aspects- eg points at 16 Cancer, Pisces, Virgo or Capricorn…especially if, like me you’re Saturn isn’t in great shape (in Aries, Cancer or Leo) or particularly strong.

This time around, Saturn has stationed trine the degree of my Ascendant. To say I’m feeling it is an understatement. But then again, nothing happens without reason.

I think of Saturn as an auditor with a tie that is way too short, a green pen and a pad asking me questions that I don’t particularly want to answer.

My friend Clementine likens this process to an exam. Hopefully I have passed.

Saturn constricts rather than expands (which is why many astrologers see Saturn transits as being skinny transits…). He also tends to bring depression and sadness with him rather than optimism. Sort of like you are running on empty, come to the end of the road, are over it and can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. This is especially true if the station is occurring at a sensitive point in your chart. The whole point behind this is to teach us something…sort of like growing pains for grown ups. Besides, life is a mix of textures, of light and dark.

While Saturn is retrograde all of this is internalised and builds within. You have the time to think and absorb. Once Saturn turns direct, intention needs to be turned into action. That means dealing with whatever it is with maturity, commitment and responsibility.

Saturn transits can hurt, a lot- depending on your natal relationship with him. This is especially the case if your Saturn is not natally strong (take Donna Cunninghams’ Saturn quiz to check yours out…my Saturn scored just 2 points, so is particularly weak). At critical points of a Saturn transit, if (like me) your temptation is to run away from whatever it is, something will be in your way. There will be nowhere left to run. You have no choice but to stand your ground, face it like and adult and finish the job. Like a grown up.

You also have no choice but to have faith that it will be all right in the long run. And, when the noise and crowding dissipates, with space to move, think and imagine, that’s something I have absolutely no problem believing.

So you sit in your camp and you stare at the fire
The doubts drop away as the hopes get higher
And you sing to yourself
It’ll be all right
It’ll be all right in the long run

And the sun gives ground to a long cold night
Screw up your courage for another night
But you know in your heart
It’ll be all right
It’ll be all right in the long run

And the sun streams in with power and might
And you look at your kids in a different light
And you know in your heart as you kiss them goodnight
It’ll be all right in the long run

The song? An old protest song by Aussie folk band Redgum. You can hear it here. The lyrics are theirs…