I’ve spent the last week in Queenstown, New Zealand, living my dreams…or rather my bucket list…it could also be said that I’ve been living my fears- every single one of them.
When you have a really good hard look at yourself (and I mean a really good hard look) often times the parts that you have problems with are often not just your shadow, but the shadow of your opposite sign.
By now you all know that I’m fairly seriously Pisces. I run from boundaries, yet without them I’m pure chaos. My friend Clementine Atkins describes it well:
Within its boundless state we have chaos, panic, fear. Nothing is clear or precise – all is just a merging of images, dreams, ideals, memories, experiences, yearnings. It is from this swirling mass that Pisces needs to find meaning, definition and direction. It was also from a swirling mass of everything and nothing that the big bang was meant to have happened and we had the beginning of a new universe.
In my efforts to keep a lid on my emotions and stop everything from getting too far from my control, I escape into fear of trusting, of letting go. When the boundaries are completely removed and real consequences are put in place, I tend to panic.
This week I deliberately set out to let go of control, to place my trust (and my life) in the hands of others (in this case, trained professionals) and to prove to myself that I could do it for myself.
The first of these was my three day tramp on the Routeburn Track. There were times, when I was hiking on my own through valleys, down rocks masquerading as paths, navigating around desperately narrow mountain paths, where I felt like every barrier I had put around me had been stripped away. In my complete physical exhaustion, I found who I was. I know it sounds hackneyed, but it’s the best way of describing how I felt.
The closest I’ve ever come to this in the past was nearly 16 years ago when I gave birth to my daughter. That was also a birthing, also intense, but this weeks experience was selfish- it was purely for me.
Today I stepped off a precipice into nothing, relying on a harness to keep me alive as I zipped through the forest at tremendous speeds on a zip line.
It was awesome, it was wow, it was epic, and at the end of it, I know that I have the resilience to follow my dreams. Myself.
Sure, I wouldn’t recommend everyone do this. It was right for me. I have a strong Uranian signature, a strong Jupiter signature & a strong Neptune & Pluto signature- yet I’d lost faith, a clear view of myself and I was relying too heavily on constructs I’d built up that no longer fitted. Yes, I’m having Saturn transits too.
The thing about dreams is they either stay in your head or come out of the bucket and onto the table. The other thing about dreams is that once they are on the table, they are no longer dreams, but goals. And once a dream becomes a goal, there is no going back. Another thing about dreams? Sometimes you just have to trust that they can come true.
While a dream is still just a dream, it can be an escape, a sanctuary…especially if, like me, you have Pisces on the Ascendant or the Sun or Moon in Pisces. When a dream is still a dream, it is the fantasy that keeps it alive, the possibility that one day you might attain your desire.
As soon as it becomes a goal, all of that becomes way too real.
Sometimes Pisces and her dreams can seem as transient as a drop of dew on the petal of a rose.
The mistake people make when they think of Pisces is to assume that we are weak, spineless. But move that dew-drop and what happens? That drop has its own skin and simply changes its form.
Pisces has a habit of making her dreams come true- in ways that may not seem obvious to other signs. How? Often simply by refusing to look at the possible negatives, refusing to listen to those who tell you how it will never work, will never be published, no one will buy your work so you had better grow up and look for a responsible job again.
The danger is in trying to control the uncontrollable, in trying to control the fear- rather than letting it come up to you, shake your hand, introduce itself and letting it go… or let go on the zip line and scream it out into the forest.
Now is the time to clear out all of that, all of doubt, all of that fear. In this last day before the New Moon, let it go- all of it- and take sanctuary in whatever it is that Pisces represents for you.
This New Moon is spiritual, creative and immensely emotive. With this much energy, there is no ignoring the fact that one part of your life requires a dream, is asking for inspiration, needs to, well, trust.
Falling at 10 Pisces 39’, this New Moon is made extra Piscean by a conjunction to Neptune, and an inspirational and sensitive trine to Jupiter.
But it’s even more interesting than that. The trine between the New Moon and Jupiter triggers the ongoing t square between Jupiter, Pluto and Uranus. You too have the ability to find yourself- but it will require courage, faith, optimism and something that’s truly authentic to you. You also need to accept the consequences…
This stuff isn’t easy. On a spiritual level, this week has changed me profoundly. On a physical level, my muscles are still protesting. On a get real level, I’ve accepted a partition role for a few months- it’s what I need to do to make my dreams happen. It means I’ll be stepping back a little on my astro writing and teaching for the next few months.
Boundaries are beautifully blurred between what you know and what you know. If you have a creative project you have been delaying on, or making excuses for, now is the time to listen to what you know in your heart, what you know intuitively. Leave the head stuff for later- much later.
Wherever Pisces is in your chart is where this blurring will be in your life. Escape from your everyday into it, take sanctuary in it, go with it. Let your imagination roam free. Float into the beyond. Follow your dream- even if it means coming face to face with your biggest fears in the process.