Relationship Astrology Tuesday Toolbox

Happy Valentines Day…

So it’s Valentines Day.

I know it’s a travesty to my Pisces-ness, but I’ve never, and I mean never, done Valentines Day. Perhaps it’s my Venus in Aries. Perhaps it’s my 7th house Uranus.

In every other way I consider myself a romantic – after all, as a romance novelist, my business relies on me contriving happily ever afters – but Valentines Day? No, I don’t get it…but, that’s just me.

Seven years ago I was in New York with a friend (hello Astrosparkles) over Valentines Day. We contemplated going up the Empire State Building on Valentines Night – you know, like in Sleepless In Seattle. I didn’t want to queue – as well as not doing Valentines Day, I don’t do queuing either. Instead we went up on the night of the 13th, which was Valentines Day In Sydney anyway.

Honestly it was so freezing up there that if I was Meg Ryan, there’s no way I would have waited any longer than I had to for Tom Hanks.

Anyways, Valentines Day turns the mind to relationship.  Are we meant to be together for, like, ever? In fact, the most common question I’m asked is: how do I know who the right person is for me?

My quick answer is – I have no flipping idea. Love is not an exact science, and (even though I’ve been with the same man for 28 years) I’m not sure that I think there is one perfect person for everyone. I definitely don’t believe in the idea of perfection when it comes to love and relationships – but that’s just me, so please don’t write to me.

The thing is, relationship is complex. It isn’t just a matter of Sun sign compatibility, it’s so much more than that. It’s how we react emotionally to each other, how we communicate, what each of us needs from relationships and how we are in the bedroom.

More than that, it’s how our charts interact and combine. It’s complex.

Some of you like challenge in our relationships and are drawn to partners whose planets aspect yours by square or opposition. Some of you need harmony and a relationship that settles into something inherently easy. If this is you, you’ll be looking for someone whose chart seamlessly aspects yours.

Some of you are drawn to the unattainable, the unavailable, the “unsuitable”. Some of you are drawn to the missing elements in your own chart. Some of you are drawn to your opposites. Some of you are a combination of all of these things.

There are some relationships where the charts compared against each other would be either ho hum or short term in nature, but that when combined are long term and stable. It’s a little like that in my relationship – on paper we’re far from “perfect” yet are better together than we are apart. Over the years there have been times when it’s been far from easy – I suspect that will continue to be the case.

So, how do you know if you’re meant to be together? If you’ll hook up? If he likes you as much as you like him? A chart comparison won’t show you that. A chart comparison will only show you the potential if that relationship ever comes to pass. Incredible synastry between your chart and George Clooney’s chart means nothing unless you’re actually in a relationship with George Clooney.

Horary is a good quick answer- and can be scarily accurate…but before you ask, I don’t do relationship horary. I refuse to. Why? Horary is supposed to be question and answer. Short, simple, no nonsense. In my experience, relationship horary questions are rarely simple, and the answer is rarely the answer you want to hear. This leads to questions and more questions and what ifs. My Venus in Aries has moved on already. I do also have this theory that love isn’t meant to be certain. If it were, the 5th house – the part of life where we give birth to things and take risks (including risks with our emotional security) – wouldn’t be where we fall in love.

If, however, you do want a horary chart done, Kelly Surtees is fabulous with horary. Her details are here..

So, it’s Valentines Day, and you are fortunate enough to have a significant other, or a significant other in mind, and you want to know if 2 + 2 equals something magical?

Check out this post for a quick and easy pointer to how you two combine. You don’t need birth times, just a birth date. If you need to cast a chart for your other half, check out this post.

Remember, keep an open mind on this- challenging aspects bring with them spark and interest, and encourage growth. If it was all hearts and flowers it would be as boring as batshit – or that could be just me too…