Flat Packs and the Stars


A friend & I were in Ikea a few months ago.

As is normal with that particular store at lunchtime, all checkouts were open and jammed full of trolleys and prams. We had one item each and both being a little queue challenged, started muttering under our breaths. You know the type of thing- a comment about what she is wearing or his hair or why can’t people read or someone seriously bought that?

The came the war stories about the cheap crud we’d bought over the years that needed to be put together and the arguments we’d had with partners around what went where (in terms of allen keys and self assembly furniture speak, of course).

It was when we noticed the pile of boxes on the trolley in front of us that both of us were suddenly silent.

I was the first to speak.

‘I counted 25 boxes. That’s 25 self assembly boxes. Seriously, check it out- they’ve even bought drawers. Ikea self assembly drawers!’

We stood there shaking our heads quietly when he came out with, perhaps a little louder than intended:

‘Faaaaaark. There’s gonna be a whole pile of shit go down in that house tonight!’

Some tittering broke out amongst the other queue waiters around us.

He shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘well it’s not like everyone else wasn’t thinking it!’

Yesterday on the Facebook page (if you’re on Facebook, why not drop by Jo Tracey Astrology & get involved in the conversation) we got into a bit of a discussion about which signs are more likely to follow instructions when it comes to items requiring self assembly. The perfect subject, I thought, to talk about while the Moon was in Virgo.

But what planet to use as an indicator for extreme tolerance in the face of flat pack mania? The Sun, of course…but I figured Venus would also have a bearing. After all, Venus is about things that make you feel good. Saturn would also be important- just how likely are you to stay the course before allen keys go flying?

Despite my extreme fishiness, I have both luminaries in the 1st house and tend to face the world with Aries impatience. Venus in Aries certainly adds to that. As a consequence, I seriously can’t be faffed with instruction manuals…and have had some disastrous results to prove it. My Aries friend pays someone to put things together, while my Scorpio husband will pretend that he knows what goes where, but will have the instruction manual somewhere off to the side so that I don’t know he is referring to it- or he will have me do it so that I can be blamed when it is wonky and I have pieces left over…he has Venus in Libra after all…

So, the results of our extremely unscientific data gathering exercise into the world of flat packs is below…with thanks to everyone who contributed:

Gemini and Virgo seemed to like detailed instructions, Capricorn and Cancer admitted following to the nth degree, Taurus and Libra would prefer someone else did it, while Aquarius would find the closest Virgo and have them do it. Nobody with Leo placements commented, and for Sagittarius it depended on the cost of the item and the accuracy of the instructions. And seriously people, there is no greater cause than the push for accurate instructions to be included with self assembly furniture. As for Pisces? Well, firstly, how hard can it be and secondly, doesn’t it look so nice in the box?