I wrote here last week about my completely disproportionate reaction (ie meltdown) to the latest rejection of my fiction. I was telling my friend at the club last night about it.
‘But it wasn’t a real meltdown was it?’ she asked. ‘You’ve had rejections before- you know they go with the territory.’
I sure have and I sure do know.
‘It was a mega meltdown,’ my husband helpfully clarified. ‘The whole sobbing hysterical spiraling thing.’
Thanks for that.
There was other stuff going on, but that rejection was the catalyst for the volcanic eruption that ensued. I haven’t had one at that level on the diva scale in an awful long time.
During the week, not only did my mood lift, but so did my perspective- as perspective so often does. I was able to look at my work and realized that my voice was getting lost. It was getting lost in worrying about who will read the finished product, what my friends would think, family, critics, work colleagues. I wasn’t having fun with my words- and that is what my fiction has always been- a way of playing. It’s what I love to do- create characters, create settings, give them a life and a love and words to say. Give them a happy ending. And, in the process, give away a little of myself at the same time, say the things that I can’t say.
Then, while spending some quality time in traffic the other morning, I listened to a podcast featuring an Aussie musician/writer/broadcaster Sian Prior. Sian has written a memoir ironically on the subject of her shyness. She said that the way she got through certain chapters was to write as if no one was ever going to read it.
That night I went home and re-wrote a chapter- as if no one was ever going to read it. And it worked. The words flowed and they sang.
I’ve struggled in the past about whether to publish fiction under a pen name, and the part of me that has Venus in Aries and the Sun in the first house wants to be known and seen. Yet, the Pisces part of me is obviously concerned enough about what others think that I’m likely to stay behind the scenes for ever. What would my mother think if she read a sex scene? What would my husband think? Ummm…Mars in Scorpio anyone? So I tame it down, I avoid writing it, I remove the spice and the conflict and add a little more vanilla.
The answer is, I think, clear. I’m creating a different me to write freely under. It makes sense. It also appeals to my Uranus/ASC/Sun need to reinvent regularly- and is a lot less painful than the alternative that I’d been seriously considering.
This is about creating the me that I want to be, me as a work in progress. This is my 5th house- the house that Leo rules. This is Leo in fake it until you make it mode.
At the heart of all Leo is a need to express. Talents, passions, voice- all require you take risks…all require a great big, brave heart.
In the body, Leo rules the heart- both physically and energetically. In nature, Leo is the King. In the Wizard of Oz, he was looking for courage. But above all, he wants to feel proud. Not necessarily flamboyant, but just proud.
The Leo New Moon is, therefore, the most creative of new starts. Leo, ruled by the Sun, is about ego, self-expression, creativity. Given the Sun’s propensity to send out its’ warmth, Leo is also arguably the most generous sign. Leo is the Sun and the Sun is the hero.
With Leo, though, the fear of potential exposure of someone standing up and pointing the finger and exposing you as a fraud is ever present. Wherever Leo is in your chart is where this matters. This is where it’s extra hard to risk a no to get a yes. Your challenge is to find heart, strength and courage without losing yourself in the process. The key here is not to lose sight of the fun, to play with things- especially the stuff that makes your heart sing. The conjunction between the Sun and Jupiter will help with that.
The big aspect in the backdrop of this New Moon is an opposition between Venus and Pluto. This can be an either or type of energy- a time when the relationships you develop are helping you achieve your goals, or a time when resistance and office politics cause discord.
The shadow of Pluto is power for powers sake, a sort of Machiavellian manipulation to push yourself forward at the expense of others. The shadow of Venus in Cancer can be an unwillingness to move out of the past. This transit is a reminder that your goals may need to change to take into account the needs of others- it’s also a reminder that at the end of the day integrity is more important than coercion of others simply to get what you want. Bear that in mind when you’re setting your intentions this New Moon.
Check out where this falls in your chart. It is that part of life where you are being asked to look for courage and strength, but above all self-expression, generosity and creativity. It is where you are being asked to follow your heart and be who you are, not who you should be. There is a difference.
As a refresher, for your New Moon story:
- Look at where 3 Leo 52’ is in your chart. In my case, it’s the 5th house. The symbol is below.
- Look for planets or chart points lying between 1-6(ish) of Leo, Scorpio, Taurus, or Aquarius. The New Moon will be conjunct, square or opposite these.
- Look for planets of chart points lying between 1-6 of Aries, Sagittarius, Libra, or Gemini. The New Moon will be trine or sextile these.
- Know what part of life the Moon natally rules for you- this will be the house that has Cancer on the cusp.
In my case:
The Moon is trine Saturn and square Mars.
The Moon is transiting my 5th house. It’s definitely bringing up a lot of literal issues around identity security and self-expression and creativity.
To fill the last piece of my puzzle, we need to look at the houses ruled by each of these planets- this is where the outcomes will be.
The Moon (as always) rules my 5th, Mars rules my 2nd and 9th, and Saturn my 11th and 12th. Hmmmm self expression, creativity, self actualization, money, values, expansion, travel, publishing, dreams, proceeds of work, undoing, the things you hide, fantasy, escape. Yep, this all makes sense to me…
Try it for yourself…