Yesterday I broke up…with my personal trainer.
I even said those words that I’ve always wanted to say to someone but never have- I’ve always been the dumpee not the dumper (awwwww). So yesterday, I said it:
“It’s not you, it’s me. The last two years have been fun, but I think we now want different things from the relationship.”
At this point I popped a soulful and serious look onto my face before continuing.
“So (insert heavy sigh) I think we need some space…oh, and the 6 months I pre-paid before I left work has run out…”
It’s ok, I’m ok, in fact, I think I’m moving on already. It’s not that we won’t see each other- I’ll still wave to him at 6.30 in the morning when I’m on the treadmill in all of my early morning just sleep-walked from the bed to the gym glamour. We may even catch up for the occasional random training session. But we both know it’s over. O.V.A.H.
I will be thinking about him over the next couple of days as my muscles recover from that final retaliatory tabata boxing and kettleball session. Ouchy do!
Under the Cancer Moon it is easy to dwell on the past, to hang on to an idea, a theory, a relationship, a habit long past its use by date- in fact often until it resembles something like what used to be zucchinis that I found lurking in the bottom of my fridge vegie drawer tonight.
And that’s all perfectly understandable (not the manky zucchinis, but the hanging on bit). What we know, the stuff in our past, the stuff from our families, whether it is good or bad, it’s comfortable. These things represent the boundaries of our comfort zone. We find ourselves clinging to them, too afraid to let go.
Yet, in order to continue to grow, to flourish, we have to let go. We have to step outside the things that make us feel comfortable and go it on our own terms. Hence yesterdays break up.
This time last year retrenchments had just started in the partition job. Communication had been great, so we all knew where we stood, but the uncertainty was creeping in. People who for years had been complaining (loudly) about the Mother Ship and policies, treatment, slights etc (you know the drill) now started reminiscing about the good times.
Oh, you mean those good times when the client was giving us such a rough time that everyone was working 70 hour+ weeks, all leave was cancelled & there had been no pay rises for 5 years? Those good times?
Ummm yes, those good times. It was all shit for them to go through, incredibly stressful, but looking back, it was what they knew, what their history was. As crappy as those years were, it was comfortable because it was past. That’s what nostalgia is.
The Moon is now in the balsamic phase, so if ever there was a shot at letting go, it is now. And you know what? Tomorrows New Moon coincides with Mars opposing Uranus and the whole cardinal square thing, so you may not really have a choice in the matter.
Cancer New Moons always bring issues of mother, home, family and self- nutrition (and that doesn’t have to mean the fridge and chocolate variety) to the forefront. New Moons allow for a fresh burst of energy. I would suggest that at this New Moon you go with that energy- or the Universe will shift you in some other way.
As for me, I’m off to create some comfort-ish food (minus the manky zucchinis). It’s to get over the break-up, of course. Wednesday nights for us are home-made takeaway nights, and tonight is chicken parmagiana- just like you’d get in a Victorian country pub…without being in Victoria…or in the country.
New Moon at 26 Cancer. Oh wait, that’s conjunct my Jupiter in the 5th, so will set off all the other triney things in my chart. Cool.
For Sydney-siders and East Coast Aussies that’s Thursday 19/7 at 2.25pm. For those of you in WA & most of SE Asia, that’s 12.25pm, Kiwis 4.25 pm. Anyone in the US? The New Moon is exact at 9.25pm 18/7 and 0.25am 19/7 (depending on whether you’re on the West or East Coast), and English readers are in the middle at 4.25am on the 19th.