Brain Freezes, Freak-outs & Black Line “Running”

Pic from dreamstime.com
Pic from dreamstime.com

OK, this is a mini sort of non astrological sort of rant.

Regular readers know I am doing this learn to run thing. It had been going really well and according to schedule until last Friday when I had the workout from hell and my head got in the way of anything else. I completely froze up and freaked out? Why? Because of the seemingly unending miles and flipping miles of flipping concrete ahead of me.

It turned the workout into a journey and this little Piscean doesn’t like journeys. I like destinations or meditations or zoning out and escaping. I like to arrive. I don’t like having to know how far I have to go. So I froze up and freaked out.

As it turns out I was obviously also tired from the week and coming down with this cold that I now seem to have caught from the incessant sneezing and spluttering of the woman in 1F on my flight the other day.

The progress I had made had been making me feel strong and with a belief that I could do this.  Just as I zone out on black line swimming, I think I was getting close to doing the same with black line running.

Up till my mini freak out on Friday, I was actually beginning to enjoy my treadmill sessions…but don’t tell my BMF who is trying to convince me that I will become addicted- I, of course, don’t like anyone telling me what I can become addicted to- as a Piscean I find addictions only too easily. Having said that, I possibly could become addicted to the adrenaline rush of achievement and sweat (Venus in Aries) but not to the “journey”.

Rather than concentrating on distance milestones, I found that if I could tune out to the black line and the music in my ear I would get the job done: “if I can just get through this song…ok I got through that one, now I just need to get through the next…” in fact much how I got through labour without drugs…and trust me, the pain levels at this stage of the game are comparable.

So what changed? I went back outside. From doing 4x 1kms in a session I couldn’t get to 500m without stopping. From a zone out on a treadmill with my music as escape company I was looking at a far off destination and miles of bike path and my head didn’t like that.

My husband tells me I am expecting too much too soon and I need to stop the comparisons. He also told me that sometimes you have off days. He is right on both counts. He then uttered the dreaded “J for journey” word… and came dangerously close to having my glass of wine (for medicinal purposes) thrown over him. Having said that, he is being brilliantly supportive and not applying any sort of pressure…he says he knows better…

My chiropractor tells me that he would prefer that I run inside until all my joints have settled down and beyond. He is probably right too. All I know is that after Fridays session I haven’t fronted the gym. Sure I’m not well now, but what about over the weekend?

I recently turned in an article on Saturn, and the one big eye opener in it for me (aside from it being the hardest set of words I have had to write in a very long time), was how the sign position of Saturn shows up your fears and the way you deal with goals and obstacles. Whether you continue the climb one step at a time or whether you look for another way round…or give up entirely. He represents what you most need to face.

I have Saturn in Aries and, my biggest obstacle is myself. I have a tendency to compare and will give up if it becomes apparent that I won’t be the best or better than the next at whatever it is I am doing. Saturn in Aries wants a short flight not a long haul in economy.

Saturn in Aries needs goals to work towards, but they must come from within, not be imposed by someone else. I need support not pressure. Saturn in Aries needs to push herself to do the best she can be and has problems with orders and authority. She has to be sure that she is doing it for herself.

For regular runners this probably seems like one great big whinge fest and just flipping do it already…but it isn’t that easy for a 40 something who has never run more than the sideline of a football pitch.

And now I have a cold that is threatening to move to my lungs and undo all the good I have done.

Anyways, consistency not motivation is the key, so I will keep going- one song after the other…and the next person who tells me to “enjoy the journey” or “climb the mountain” or “put one foot in front of the next” is likely to get that foot jammed somewhere that feet shouldn’t go.

In the skies? The Moon is still in Taurus- and will be for another day. The Sun is getting ever closer to the opposition with Pluto. This one is always a power struggle and will result in tension and frustration if you have planets at 5-7 degrees of Cancer, Capricorn, Aries or Libra. You may also feel it if you have planets at 5-7 degrees in the other water or earth signs. For me? This is banging away at Mars in Scorpio and the nodal axis- by sextiles & trine, so “easier” in theory… Anything impacting Mars is about courage, and Pluto is about power, whilst the Sun is ego. Join the dots.

I’m for an early night and a little Piscean indulgence in feeling sorry for myself…so until next time…

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