Better the Devil You Know

I drafted my Saturn in Scorpio piece last Saturday.

It started as a Saturn in Scorpio piece and is more about Saturn in the 8th house, and the 8th house and relationships.

I guess that’s Saturn in Scorpio.

I’ve revised and tweaked and delayed pressing the publish button ever since.

I don’t know why. I’ll probably do it later today.

I think part of the reason is because a couple of things occurred to me while I was painting yesterday. I’m re-doing Miss 14’s room- it was a hot pink. Now it’s just undercoat white- so far it’s taken 2 coats to cover the pink.

Back when we first painted this particular room for her, it coincided with her moving out of a “little girls” room into something that had a larger wardrobe, room for a corner desk, a place that she could call her own. I think she was about 8 or 9.

A relatively dark room, I insisted on cream walls, but said she could choose one colour as a feature. She chose hot pink- the same colour that was in the middle of a frangipani. Hot pink it was.

My Scorpio husband was horrified. ‘What about a nice dusky pink?’ he asked.

‘Dad,’ she said, ‘do Mum & I look like dusky pink kind of girls?’

‘But what about when you want to change it?’ he said to me.

I shrugged, ‘so I change it. A couple of coats of undercoat- how hard can it be?’

He was the same when I did the lounge dining room in 3 slightly different shades of William Morris green (I wanted it to feel like a piece of William Morris wallpaper made me feel). Or when I changed the feature colour in the family room last year. In fact the standing joke in our house is that the walls can fall down and the amount of paint on them will hold them up.

This time the job is harder because I’m also gradually re-doing all the trims (from lime wash stain to the same cream as most of the walls) in the house as I paint that room. That means sanding, taping, prepping and glossing each skirting board, window trim and wardrobe surround and doors. It’s a big job.

‘So what if you don’t like it?’ he asks.

‘I’ll think of something else,’ I say.

‘I don’t see what’s wrong with leaving the trims as they are,’ he says.

‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong- it makes the house look very late 80s and I want a more modern look.’

‘But why does she need to change her room? You only painted it 2 years ago.’

‘It was about 6 years ago, she’s grown out of the design and wants to try something new.’

‘I don’t see what’s wrong with keeping everything cream,’ he muttered.

It’s not the colour that scares him- he usually loves it when I’m finished (so much so that before long it becomes a colour choice that was his idea)- it’s the change. Actually, I’ll take that one step further, it’s the fear that the change won’t be enough and will need to be faced again.

And it occurred to me- this is what has everyone so afraid of with Saturn in Scorpio. I associate fear with Saturn, yet I don’t recall hearing this level of fear with Saturn in Libra, or Saturn in Virgo. But with Saturn in Scorpio, it’s real fear. It’s a deep, dark, I don’t really want to know what is lurking under the bed type of fear.

Scorpio and her opposite Taurus are the most change resistant of the fixed signs. With Taurus, the status quo makes like cement- good or bad, you hold onto it. With Scorpio, the fear and paranoia of the unknown has you emotionally attaching to whatever it is that needs to be altered- simply because the outcome is known.

To do nothing is to assume the outcome and to assume power over the future. There I said it.

Doing nothing is safe, but leaves no room, no potential for growth. No possibility to bring colour into neutrality.

Photographers use a technique for exposure that runs from a midpoint known as 18% grey. Focusing on the midpoint, the point of neutrality (they use a grey card, but you can use grass or the back of your hand) allows you to bring the whole picture into correct exposure. Sometimes though, over or under exposing brings some incredible results. Life’s like that. It’s the shade and textures we see from taking risks or letting things just unfold that make the picture interesting.

I’ve stopped doing relationship horary charts for now. Not because they don’t work, but because the very point behind the questions being asked is to determine an outcome before taking the step.

This is different to an electional question where you are looking to choose the best possible time for a venture you have embarked on. I get that. But a question asking something like “should I ask X out and if we go out do we have a future?” is denying yourself the opportunity to experience something.

Sure, if you go out with X, it might end in heartache, but isn’t feeling something the point of life in all of its multi coloured and shitty splendour?

It’s like sticking to a metaphorical checklist and potentially missing out on the one man that mightn’t meet the criteria, but might be one helluva great time. It’s like choosing to stay at home instead of asking X out- simply because it’s safe and the outcome is known.

During the Saturn in Libra period many of us looked hard at our existing relationships and relationship patterns. The data is in and has been weighed up. For some of us decisions have already been made and acted upon, others are still doing the latte vs espresso weighing up of alternatives.

Saturn in Scorpio is about having the bollocks to do something about it. Stay or go- that’s your call, but don’t allow the decision to be made from a position of status quo and fear of an unknown outcome. Make the decision because it is the right one for you to be making and acting on now. If you stay, re-commit. If you leave, leave. If you want to go out with X, ask him out. Who knows, it could work, it could be fun.

Hubby just popped his head around the door, ‘Hey Darlin, I was just thinking how bright that room is now that the pink wall is gone. What colour are you painting it?’

‘Turquoise.’

‘What’s wrong with a nice soft mint green?’

‘Do we look like mint green type of girls?’

‘I don’t see what’s wrong with leaving it white.’

‘Who knows, you might like it…’