So it’s Valentines Day.

I know it’s a travesty to my Pisces-ness, but I’ve never, and I mean never, done Valentines Day. Perhaps it’s my Venus in Aries. Perhaps it’s my 7^th house Uranus.

In every other way I consider myself a romantic- I write romance!

A couple of years ago I was in New York with a friend over Valentines Day. My friend wanted to go up the Empire State Building on Valentines Night. I didn’t want to queue. I don’t do queuing either. Instead we went up on the night of the 13^th, which was Valentines Day In Sydney anyway.

Honestly it was so freezing up there that if I was Meg Ryan, there’s no way I would have waited any longer than I had to for Tom Hanks.

Anyways, Valentines Day turns the mind to relationship.  Are we meant to be together for, like, ever?

The thing is, relationship is complex. It isn’t just a matter of Sun sign compatibility, it’s so much more than that. It’s how we react emotionally to each other, how we communicate, what each of us needs from relationships and how we are in the bedroom.

More than that, it’s how our charts interact and combine. It’s complex.

Some of you like challenge in our relationships and are drawn to partners whose planets aspect ours by square or opposition. Some of you need harmony and a relationship that settles into something inherently easy. These people would be needing their partners chart to seamlessly aspect theirs.

Some of you are drawn to the unattainable, the unavailable, the “unsuitable”. Some of you are drawn to the missing elements in our own chart. Some of you are drawn to your opposites.

There are some relationships where the charts compared against each other would be either ho hum or short term in nature, but that when combined are long term and stable.

So, how do you know if you’re meant to be together? If you’ll hook up? If he likes you as much as you like him? A chart comparison won’t show you that. A chart comparison will only show you the potential if that relationship ever comes to pass. Incredible synastry between your chart and George Clooney’s chart means nothing unless you’re actually in a relationship.

Horary is a good quick answer- and can be scarily accurate…but before you ask, I don’t do relationship horary. I refuse to. Why? Horary is supposed to be question and answer. Short, simple, no nonsense. In my experience, relationship horary questions are rarely simple, and the answer is rarely the answer you want to hear. This leads to questions and more questions and what ifs. My Venus in Aries has moved on already.

I will however, do a post on it later this week so you can muck around with it yourself. Also, if you are keen on having a relationship horary done, email me and I’ll refer you to someone.

So, it’s Valentines Day, and you are fortunate enough to have a significant other, or a significant other in mind, and you want to know if 2 + 2 equals something magical?

Check out this post for a quick and easy pointer to how you two combine. You don’t need birth times, just a birth date. If you need to cast a chart for your other half, you can do it for free at astro.com.

Remember, keep an open mind on this- challenging aspects bring with them spark and interest, and encourage growth. If it was all hearts and flowers it would be as boring as batshit.

Following the re-publishing of my synastry piece by Sasstrology the other day, I thought I’d re-publish the companion piece. Here it is…

I was sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream

Like all at once I wake up from something that keeps knocking at my brain

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed screaming out the words I dread

I think I love you

This morning I woke up with this feeling

I didn’t know how to deal with and so I just decided to myself

I’d hide it to myself and never talk about it

And did not go and shout it when you walked into the room

I think I love you

Lyrics from I Think I Love You by the Partridge Family…and Voice of the Beehive

So there you are. Across a crowded room or a meeting table or just after one or two beers too many your eyes meet. And this time it’s Different. Perhaps you’ve been mates for years and then something changes. Perhaps it’s the lightning bolt thing. Perhaps it’s a gradual awakening. Whatever.

Friends of mine said after meeting each other and exchanging a few kisses at a party that each had the same two thoughts:

• “Wow- this really feels like Something Big is happening” and
• “I hope he’s/she’s not a Collingwood Supporter.”

A dislike of that particular football club has turned out to be just one more thing they have in common. It is a Pisces/Sagittarius match and very happy.

Perhaps you have done the same in relation to your least favourite sign- “I hope he isn’t a Virgo/Pisces/Aries/whatever”. But if there is a connection there, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? Even if he is a Virgo/Pisces/Aries/whatever. (Unfortunately, when football allegiances are involved the opportunity for leeway is substantially less ).

So what if he isn’t a sign the textbooks say you will be compatible with? You mightn’t relate from a sun sign viewpoint, but may be extremely compatible on an emotional (Moon) level or a sexual level (Mars). Or, you could be perfect at a Sun sign level and absolutely off the rails in every other way. So check out the whole picture before you go and ruin what could be a really great time.

Anyways, here is the quick guide by the elements.

• Same elements work well eg water works well with water, fire with fire etc. Just remember, there is such a thing as too much compatibility- too much water in the chart is likely to drown the participants who may be too busy doing emotional stuff to move it into the bedroom, likewise too much Air not getting past the talking stage, Fire who will wear each other out (sounds interesting) but still not know each other and Earth who just have to do get the work done first.
• Yin signs go reasonably well with other yin signs and yang with yang. So, Earth is OK with Water (but can be a tad on the muddy side), Fire is OK with Air (albeit a little on the hot air side).
• Water and Earth are not so good with Fire or Air and vice versa. This isn’t to say it’s impossible, just a little challenging in some ways- as is evidence by my Pisces/Sagittarius friends.
• Think about the nature of the elements at play and what that says about each of you. Again, too much compatibility can be boring, and too little just way to hard, but much fun can be had in the process.

Go with the Sun first, and if it develops further, check out the mix on the other personal planets:

The Moon: How well you relate on an emotional level. Same rules apply. What makes you comfortable, safe and nurtured. In a mans’ chart if often indicates what he looks for in a partner. Look also at whether your Sun relates to his Moon and vice versa.

Mercury: How you communicate. Are your thought patterns similar? We’re not talking values here- that is completely different, but rather how you think, how you communicate. Are both of you good with sub-text or is one literal minded? How are you both with non verbal cues or does one need it all explained. As an example, I have a friend who, like me, has Mercury in Pisces in the 12^th. We can have an entire discussion about our deepest feelings and fears without actually saying much at all. We just know.

Venus: How you relate. What makes you feel good. Venus in Aries with Venus in Sag? Sparks will fly. Venus in Taurus and Venus in Libra? Some compromise will be required between social activity and the couch…or combine the two J. In a man’s chart, the Venus characteristics are often what he looks for in a partner.

Mars: Sexual compatibility, energy levels, what turns you on & off. How you fight, sorry, assert yourself. Both Mars in Scorpio? Dirty fights and great make-up sex. In a womans’ chart it often shows what she looks for in a partner. Mars in Aries and Mars in Scorpio? A little competition can be very exciting.

Get the idea?

Taking it one step further, think about signs whose ruling planet is shared eg Mars rules both Aries and Scorpio, Venus rules both Taurus and Libra, Jupiter rules both Pisces and Sagittarius. Even though these combos would normally be in the not so good category, they get points because the nature of the ruler is similar. Although many other astrologers would disagree with me on this one, I have found it to be the case.

So, to illustrate, I will use my own relationship. In the interests of privacy, I won’t make any comment other than what the mix is, but will say that we have been together since 1989. OMG I was soooooooooooooooo young!

Get the idea? Have a go with your own relationships, friendships, working partnerships.

A second hand emotion or something more? Sasstrology, that sassy astro site which talks about all things love, sex and stars, has reprinted one of my Love etc posts- and made it look a damn sight finer than my original. Check out the link here.

In time for Valentines Day week, the 1st post in my mini series on Relationship Astrology.

Ice Heart in Times Square. Valentines Day 2010. Pic by me.

Naomi: There are the people who are right for you on paper & the people who are just right.

Pete: Is it settling if you just go with the person who is right for you on paper?

Naomi: Maybe there is nothing wrong with settling.

Pete: Sometimes the person who is just right doesn’t want you.

Naomi: Or they do, and they’re just wrong

Private Practice Series 3

It’s like in the trailer for that movie How Do You Know? (which I haven’t seen…) where Owen Wilson’s character says something like ‘How do you know when you’re in love?’ and his mate says something like ‘you’re in love when you wear condoms with the other girls.’

I was drafting a blog at the hairdressers the other day- just one of the things I do to pass the time rather than read endless variations on celebrity scandals in trashy mags. Unable to leave me alone, the apprentice asked what I was writing about. A discussion ensued followed by the inevitable question:

‘If, like, I am a Cancer and he is a Gemini… are we, like, meant to be together forever?’

If only it were that easy.

I remember back in High School (& later) when I first had an interest in astrology turning straight to the appropriate section in Dolly/ Cleo/ Cosmo to find out whether my latest crush was compatible with my Pisces self. Back in those days I didn’t know that there was more to me than just being a Pisces. But then again, that is the case with most of us.

Sure there is some pretty obvious sun sign compatibility- I know so many Scorpio-Pisces matches, for example (I believe that Pisces is possibly the only sign that can lighten the Scorpio load and Scorpio is the only sign that can truly understand the emotional currents of the fish).  But that isn’t to say that many other not so obvious matches won’t be successful.

As an example, my parents are an Aquarius- Scorpio marriage that has (so far) lasted 47 years, but on paper should have lasted 47 minutes- Aquarius being the most emotionally detached of the signs and Scorpio requiring complete emotional merging at a soul level. Yet it has.

Two of our closest friends are a Cancer- Sagittarius match. One that on paper shouldn’t work. But it has done…for 25 years. And not in a we’ll stay together forever for the kids sake way, but in a we really belong together way.

We bring our Sun signs to every relationship we are in, but there is so much more to compatibility than that. We also bring our emotional needs (Moon), relating patterns (Venus), the way we think and communicate (Mercury) and our sex drives (Mars).  Saturn helps us with commitment and responsibility whilst Jupiter can show our risk adversity.

We bring our charts to each relationship. None of these elements is more important than the other, but they all work together to form who we are & what we need from a relationship- whether it be with a significant other, a friend, a business colleague or…whatever.

In relationship astrology we look at:

• What each individual needs from relationship
• What each individual can bring to the relationship
• How the charts interact with each other

We look at the synastry of the relationship.

Some couples need full compatibility, some couples need some tension or discordant connections, some couples need the full on difference thing. Some couples are together for the kids, for the security, for the companionship or for the sex…and will last as long as each of these motivators stay on the table. And there is nothing wrong with that.

In this mini-series I don’t want to get into the debate around the relevance of marriage or whether there is any such thing as a soulmate or one person who is right for you or past life connections or love at first sight. Love is what it is.

Each astrologer has their own method of looking at relationships. This is mine.

• Check out the basic Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars compatibility on an elemental basis
• Look at each persons’ chart to see what they need in a relationship:
  • Check out the 7^th house, the 7^th house ruler & any planets in the 7^th
  • Look at Venus- the sign, the house, the aspects
  • Look at Mars- the sign, the house, the aspects
• Check out the aspects person As’ chart makes person Bs’
  • Personal planets A– personal planets B & vice versa
  • Personal planets A- Jupiter & Saturn B & vice versa
  • Personal planets A- Outer Planets B & vice versa
  • Where personal planets are the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus & Mars and the outer planets are Uranus, Neptune & Pluto
• Look at where the planets fall in each chart eg what house does B’s Sun fall into in A’s chart
• To take it a couple of steps further you can also look at the Composite Chart for the relationship ie what the chart looks like when combined, and any aspects by antiscia…but that is taking it to the nth degree.

In the next post we will look at the quick and dirty (so to speak) method for elemental comparisons.