I have Venus conjunct Uranus. Is this why I can’t stay in a relationship?

This is an interesting one. I have Uranus in the 7^th house opposing my Sun and Moon- a similar aspect to a Venus/Uranus conjunction in many ways. When I was first learning astrology, many more experienced (than I) astrologers upon seeing my chart would nod meaningfully at me and then very gently ask me how many times I have been married. One actually went as far as to tell me that I had a “divorce aspect” and that I would never be able to hold down as relationship as my need for space, individuality and constant excitement is too great. WTF? I have been in the same relationship for over 20 years…and to a very conservative Scorpio!

Just before I went to New York earlier this year my Dad told my husband that he should enforce more control over me and my habit of periodically running away. Hubby just laughed and said “that’s Joey, I wouldn’t want to try and control her.”  With Venus/Uranus you will need space in your relationships. Not just physical and emotional space, but space to be yourself within the structure of a relationship. This does not mean so called “open relationships” (unless, of course, that works for both of you), but rather open communication where you both understand what the other needs in order to be honest to themselves and each other.

I once went to school with a girl who put the “kwe” into quirky. She didn’t value popularity, in fact, it was something she eschewed- yet for all that, popular she was, in that everyone wanted to copy her. Other girls wanted to dress like her, listen to the same music as her, have the same detached nonchalance that wore.

She was able to wear the mankiest Doctor Who scarf in a way that would make others look plain sad. She was into Dead Kennedys when the rest of us thought The Cure were alternative. She wallpapered her bedroom in alfoil and once made a full twirly skirt for the school disco entirely out of broadsheet newspapers. Ok, the newspaper skirt probably wasn’t a great success and didn’t survive the water fight midway during the evening, but certainly illustrates my point- people with a Venus/Uranus conjunction love to be different, with an original style which is all their own.

Venus/ Uranus types are able to successfully combine quirky, mis-matched and artisan pieces together with the end result not looking contrived or as if they are trying too hard to be different.

You love to discover a new designer or artist or band, but will only remain loyal and interested until they become popular, at which point you move onto the next exciting discovery…much like my school friend who moved onto Throbbing Gristle once a few of us started listening to Dead Kennedys’ “Holiday in Cambodia”.

You may be extremely open minded to all types of relationship structures, you may resist traditional ceremonies- after all, how you feel about each other won’t be changed by a piece of paper. Then again, you may choose to do all of these things. The one thing that you will resist in a relationship is sameness and dishonesty and imprisonment. Feeling trapped and claustrophobic is a common symptom of a long term relationship for a Venus/Uranus type or indeed Venus in Aquarius, or 7^th house Uranus.

For all your freedom loving, open minded attitudes, you can be completely inflexible when it comes to compromising on what it is that you believe in, your own moral code, so to speak. As adaptable as you may appear to the outside world, heaven help anyone who attempts to mold you into their idea of who and what you should be.  As malleable and responsible as you may be at the start of a relationship, at some point you will rebel.

Sometimes you may “project” the aspect, and rather than display the qualities yourself, be drawn to Venus/Uranian types- this may be the case if the rest of your chart is heavily water or earth based. You may be attracted to partners who themselves are quirky, spontaneous, unreliable and freedom loving. You may constantly worry that he doesn’t value the relationship (or you) and detaches himself too easily. Venus/Uranus understands that people can’t be owned- nobody “belongs” to anybody else.

Venus/Uranus types fall in love (lust) quickly. For as long as that 1^st glorious rush of newness lasts, she won’t care what others think, or whether he is the right one or even whether he is available- self restraint means absolutely nothing when your interest is aroused. Once that initial glow disappears, she will, however, look for excitement elsewhere- a little variety and experimentation will always help to sustain her interest. Mixing it up a bit sexually is definitely appreciated by Venus/Uranus types!

Having Venus and Uranus conjunct (or, indeed a 7^th house Uranus or Venus in Aquarius) does not mean you will never have a lasting relationship- just that you need to find someone who will value your independence and space in the same way that you do. Someone who recognizes that you need personal freedom and the space within which you can experiment and be creative. Someone who provides a safe haven for you to come back to in between adventures. Someone who appreciates those little quirks of your personality. Someone who won’t push you into a uniform, won’t make you straighten your hair and won’t try and mold you into the perfect wife/partner/employee. Someone who thinks that you and your purple velvet coat are perfect as you are.

Its wine’oclock on a rainy manky afternoon in Sydney. The Moon is in the last 7 degrees of Pisces and will soon move into Aries where it will remain for most of the weekend. By tomorrow morning Mars and Saturn will be almost exactly together- the 2 malefics (thats a traditional astrology word for nasty or ill-natured) joined (thankfully) for a brief couple of days. My astropal AstroSparkles likened them to Dan Dastardly & Muttley from Wacky Races. On this occasion Saturn is well favoured in Libra, whereas Mars is in the sign of his fall, so not that happy (Libra asks him to think about people other than himself) and not at all well motivated. The term “hurry up and wait” springs to mind.

Speaking of which, that bottle of savvy blanc in the fridge will also wait no longer…

 ‘and on that farm he had a …. crocodile!’ announced Sarah.

‘But there aren’t any crocodiles on farms, Sarwah,’ pointed out A.

My daughter and my niece were singing “Old Macdonald Had a Farm” in the back of the car. Both girls were about 4 at the time and very cute.

‘Well, there was on this farm.’

‘But what sort of farm was it Sarwah?’

‘The sort of farm that has crocodiles on it I spose….’ Sarah thinks carefully before announcing with great confidence:  ‘ I know… it must have been a crocodile farm.’

By this point my husband and I were giggling. Two more different cousins you could not imagine- our brown eyed Sarah is a typical Aries, whilst blonde & blue eyed A, likes the detail. Sarah, like most Aries, has problems with detail. A, like most Virgos, can’t understand why Sarah wants to move on so quickly. As different as they are they have always got on beautifully, with each complementing the other.

‘OK.’ A seems unusually accepting of this response. The back seat is silent.

‘But what sort of noise do crocodiles make Sarwah?’ she eventually asks.

‘Crocodile noises, I guess,’ replies Sares.

‘Are there any other animals on crocodile farms?’

‘Of course there are,’ says Sares.

‘But wouldn’t the crocodiles eat them all?’ asks A.

‘How about we sing another song?’ I interject from the front seat.

A has Mercury in Virgo- and has the quick, yet supremely analytical, mind to go with it. Sarah has Mercury (conjunct Mars) in Aries and can’t be bothered.

I have the absolute worst possible Mercury in history. And, given that Mercury is about how you communicate, the way in which you process information, and how you think, it is actually a miracle that I can even string 2 words together, let alone be able to sell coal to Newcastle when I have had a few bevies. In fact, I once (under the intellectual influence of a few red wines) convinced an ex Liberal would be prime minister that it was a great idea to buy a painting (for a ridiculous sum of money) that “looked like happiness should feel”.

Why is my Mercury so bad? Amongst a myriad of other problems, my Mercury is in Pisces where it is traditionally in the sign of both its detriment and fall. Mercury has difficulty expressing itself in mutable, watery, no boundaries Pisces.

If you have Mercury in Virgo, your Mercury is exactly opposite to mine- Mercury rules Virgo and is strong, smart and extremely sharp in this position. The only (and rather mean) comfort I take from this is that during Mercury retrograde periods, you are likely to be substantially more affected than I am.

Where Mercury in Pisces is about the “big picture” and “beyondness”, Mercury in Virgo concentrates on the details- every single little detail. Nothing is below the notice of Mercury in Virgo.

Mercury in Virgo is the ultimate record keeper and statistician, forgetting nothing, and having a place for everything. This placement has a quick and brilliant mind (although sell themselves short), and the ability to make conversation on numerous subjects (but think they could be smarter). They write beautifully, yet edit themselves constantly. I once gave a Mercury in Virgo friend a journal with the instruction not to re-read or edit anything she had written, as that would be tantamount to editing her own thoughts and feelings. Mercury in Virgo is humble.

Where others simply see problems, Mercury in Virgo breaks them down into readily digestible pieces. Once she can see a logical order she can proceed. The danger with this approach is paralysis by analysis- a tendency to over-think an issue, but the up side is an extremely well articulated response.

Like Mercury in all the Earth signs, the urge to be practical, can sometimes mean that communication is not as sensitive as it could be. This is simply because Mercury in Virgo likes to be matter of fact- don’t call her with problems unless you want her to offer you a straight forward and very practical solution. This placement has a great desire to be helpful. When she asks about your health, she is genuinely interested in your response.

Mercury in Virgo is critical, picky, and may come across as being negative. Again, she is just telling it how it is. Never ask if your bum looks fat in those jeans- she will tell you it does and what you need to do to make it better. Not because she wants to be mean spirited, but because she truly believes that perfection can be attained. It is this idealism, and an awareness of how things are versus how they can be that drives this analytical placement.

But to those of us with a weaker Mercury and a more expansive arse, a little less analysis and a little more dishonesty would be nice!

A couple of months after the car incident, my sister and I take the girls to the Opera House to see a kids play called “the Flying Babies.” Sarah is laughing very hard, but A seems thoughtful.

‘Aunty Jo?’ she whispers loudly, ‘They are very big babies.’

‘That’s because they aren’t really babies, they are grown ups dressed up as babies,’ I explain.

‘So, they are really grown ups dressed up as babies?’

‘Yes.’

‘But, Aunty Jo, why would grown ups want to dress up as babies?’

I look across at Sarah, she is still completely focused on the stage.

‘Because they are actors.’

‘What are actors?’

‘People who pretend to be something or somebody else,’ I reply.

‘But why would people want to pretend to be something that they aren’t?’ she asks, ‘Isn’t that like fibbing…and Mum says it is bad to fib?’

Without denying her absolute logic, I reply in the only way I know:

‘A, I think you better ask your mother!’

Gotta love ya A!

This came through in the search fields the other day- made an interesting change from all the Taurus man cheating questions…

Saturn is conjunct my ascendant and making me ugly

OK, Saturn can’t make anyone ugly…but it can & often does make us feel ugly! During a recent Saturn/Ascendant opposition I invested very heavily in anti-wrinkle creams for all the extra lines that just turned up in my mirror overnight.

Saturn/ Ascendant contacts are hard- they are all designed to “encourage” us to grow up or take responsibility for ourselves. The 1^st house is all about body and appearance, so you will quite literally start to feel your age. As with all Saturn transits, the first thing you will notice is fear or a feeling that you are being confronted with something that you just don’t want to acknowledge or get real about. In this case, it may be what you are seeing in the mirror. You haven’t changed, but this transit will, at least temporarily, be one where your self confidence is lacking.

When Saturn is aspecting the ascendant you may find your first wrinkle, may notice the grey more in your hair, or the way you can no longer wear a colour you previously liked successfully. You may finally decide that silver shimmery eye shadow now rests in that little wrinkle in your eyelid…and decide to wear it anyway!

The whole idea of the lesson is for you to see yourself clearly as you are- all steps in the grand scheme to develop inner strength and an identity based on reality and not external validation. Having said that, many astrologers see Saturn 1^st house transits as “skinny” ones as you may start diets or health kicks- but this may depend on the position and strength of your natal Saturn.  

On the other hand, Saturn 1^st house transits may make you feel as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, with tiredness and exhaustion to match…neither of which will assist in making you feel better about yourself.

Which brings me neatly to the real purpose of 1^st house Saturn transits- that of restructuring yourself. When Saturn crosses the ascendant it signals a time where you start to turn your attentions inwards after 14 years of concentrating on your relationships with others.

As with all Saturn transits, you are asked to get rid of something that you no longer need, but of course you must first become aware that there is something in your life which can be got rid of. So, gaze in the mirror if you will, but also take the time to really get to know yourself, you might be surprised how different you are from what others think you are.

If your Ascendant or Sun is in Libra, this is for you…

I’m Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I’m Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Lyrics from “Man in the Mirror”, by Michael Jackson

The Moon is about to move into watery Pisces…and as I sit here freezing in trackpants and ugg boots, freezing through a cold, wet Sydney day, watery it certainly is. Expect to be a tad emotional over the next few days, for some of us that translates to being even more emotional than usual…you have been warned.

Mercury has moved into super sharp, super analytical, super critical Virgo. This question came through on google the other day, and seems appropriate to post now:

My boyfriend has Mercury in Virgo and is a nitpicker. Is this normal?

Ouch! With all due respect and no intention to upset all the Virgos who read this site regularly, here goes:

• Virgo likes things to be done properly the 1^st time. Generally he has so much to do that he simply doesn’t have the time to come back and do it again, and
• If it was done properly the 1^st time he asked, or indeed at all, there would be no need for him to be critical and we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and
• By being critical, he is showing you that he cares enough for you to be the best you can be.

Aside from anything, I have noticed that only those who have neither the focus or the energy to complete tasks or communications right the 1st time accuse others of nagging or nit-picking. So there!

To illustrate this, I will use an email which turned up in my inbox last week. A moving and mythical story, whilst a tad politically incorrect, the message is vaguely appropriate:

A man asked an American Indian what was his wifes’ name.
He replied, “She’s called Five Horses“.

The man said, “That’s an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?”

 The Old Indian answered, “It old Indian Name. It means …

.  . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!”

Hmmm a previously good friend had the hide to ask if that is the pet name my husband uses for me….