A friend & I were in Ikea a few months ago.

As is normal with that particular store at lunchtime, all checkouts were open and jammed full of trolleys and prams. We had one item each and both being a little queue challenged, started muttering under our breaths. You know the type of thing- a comment about what she is wearing or his hair or why can’t people read or someone seriously bought that?

The came the war stories about the cheap crud we’d bought over the years that needed to be put together and the arguments we’d had with partners around what went where (in terms of allen keys and self assembly furniture speak, of course).

It was when we noticed the pile of boxes on the trolley in front of us that both of us were suddenly silent.

I was the first to speak.

‘I counted 25 boxes. That’s 25 self assembly boxes. Seriously, check it out- they’ve even bought drawers. Ikea self assembly drawers!’

We stood there shaking our heads quietly when he came out with, perhaps a little louder than intended:

‘Faaaaaark. There’s gonna be a whole pile of shit go down in that house tonight!’

Some tittering broke out amongst the other queue waiters around us.

He shrugs his shoulders and says, ‘well it’s not like everyone else wasn’t thinking it!’

Yesterday on the Facebook page (if you’re on Facebook, why not drop by Jo Tracey Astrology & get involved in the conversation) we got into a bit of a discussion about which signs are more likely to follow instructions when it comes to items requiring self assembly. The perfect subject, I thought, to talk about while the Moon was in Virgo.

But what planet to use as an indicator for extreme tolerance in the face of flat pack mania? The Sun, of course…but I figured Venus would also have a bearing. After all, Venus is about things that make you feel good. Saturn would also be important- just how likely are you to stay the course before allen keys go flying?

Despite my extreme fishiness, I have both luminaries in the 1^st house and tend to face the world with Aries impatience. Venus in Aries certainly adds to that. As a consequence, I seriously can’t be faffed with instruction manuals…and have had some disastrous results to prove it. My Aries friend pays someone to put things together, while my Scorpio husband will pretend that he knows what goes where, but will have the instruction manual somewhere off to the side so that I don’t know he is referring to it- or he will have me do it so that I can be blamed when it is wonky and I have pieces left over…he has Venus in Libra after all…

So, the results of our extremely unscientific data gathering exercise into the world of flat packs is below…with thanks to everyone who contributed:

Gemini and Virgo seemed to like detailed instructions, Capricorn and Cancer admitted following to the nth degree, Taurus and Libra would prefer someone else did it, while Aquarius would find the closest Virgo and have them do it. Nobody with Leo placements commented, and for Sagittarius it depended on the cost of the item and the accuracy of the instructions. And seriously people, there is no greater cause than the push for accurate instructions to be included with self assembly furniture. As for Pisces? Well, firstly, how hard can it be and secondly, doesn’t it look so nice in the box?

I first posted this last year, but it’s a bit of fun under an Aquarius Moon after all the serious-ness of the last couple of days.

I don’t do Air stuff real well, having no planets in Air signs, so rather than dwelling on the Aquarius Moon, I figured we could have a little quirky imaginary fun instead and match signs to cartoon heroes or superheroes or anti heroes.

Actually, the idea came from two places- hubby was saying how at a recent off-site they had to come up with a Super Hero that said something about themselves. Whatever. Then during my “run” (and yes, the activity is still deserving of inverted commas) this morning the song Cartoon Heroes hit my playlist by shuffle (please say nothing about why it is on my ipod in the first place…).

Anyways, here we go- in no particular order and with the usual amount of apologies and fine print regarding clichés and why do we always look at the negative side of certain signs…this is meant to be tongue in cheek. So there.

Aries is the Knight in shining armour galloping through on his white steed to save the day and the maiden, sweeping her into his arms for the sort of kiss she will never forget before riding off into the sunset, sword glinting as it is held aloft….or is that just my fantasy? I’m thinking Richard Gere (in younger days) as Lancelot in First Knight.

With all those luscious curves, Wonder Woman can only be Taurus. But then again, the Wall St Bull also comes to mind.

Gemini? The Joker of course! Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men (and a little weed…) or maybe Rocky and Bullwinkle? But the ultimate chattering Gemini twins have to be Chip n Dale!

Who better to use for Cancer than Roger Ramjet and his eagles fighting for our freedom? Roger Ramjet-he’s our man- hero of our nation…

Leo doesn’t like to be made fun of, but too bad so sad, suffer in your jocks. But seriously, how could I go past the Lion King?

I had a brain blank on Virgo, but thanks to Facebook, have a few contenders- Clark Kent- mild mannered alter ego of he in the red super underwear or Bugs Bunny- the carrot munching Super Bunny. But then there is Agent 99- who else can wear white as successfully as Virgo?

Libra is absolutely definitely Penelope Pitstop…no more explanation required.

I am making up a special one for Scorpio- Plutonium Man. He just stands there and radiates all these little radioactive rays out at the bad guys from his stillness. No? What about Dastardly Dan ….? Twirling his moustaches as he thinks of appropriate revenge with a dastardly snigger… And then again, there is always Lex Luther- spoiled for choice when it comes to Scorpio.

Indiana Jones is pure Sagittarius- and yes, I know he isn’t a cartoon character or a Superhero, but I can change the rules as I like. He travels the world in search of answers with belief and faith his key motivation and adventure his middle name.

Capricorn’s would have to be Donald Trump….oh, what? He’s not a character but a real person? Ummm, what about Judge Dredd then? I know! Albus Dumbledore…

Captain Planet is the perfect Aquarian super hero. According to the website (yep, there is one…) “intellectually, Captain Planet has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the Universe…(he is) a metaphor for (the) teamwork and cooperation (of the Planeteers)… he does not like to inflict pain, which often requires him to use his wits in addition to his incredible strength to defeat the enemies of the Earth. He’s also quick witted and usually has a comic line for his villains.”

Pisces has to be Ariel, the gorgeous Mermaid who speaks to the creatures of the seas and trades her fins for dry land in an effort to be someone else for the man she loves…. Awwwwwww.

And the song? Cartoon Heroes by Aqua

A nice little Renoir?

The Moon will be in Taurus by early tomorrow morning.

 The monthly more is more abundance rules OK fest that is La Lunas hook up with Jupiter will follow soon after. This is one aspect that brings to mind the old joke about what Taurus Moon would say after a one night stand, if Taurus Moon was inclined to one night stands, that is- and I’m not saying they are or aren’t…#just saying.

Anyways, the joke goes something like: “do you wanna order pizza now? We can eat it in bed….or pass that chocolate massage oil…”

Taurus is a sensual sign and taste is one of those senses that is all too easy to over indulge in. The point is, the Moon and Jupiter together in Taurus usually means step away from the fridge and put the chocolate down. Even the most controlled and boundary oriented of us may find that one is not enough and the siren call of carbohydrates is a tad harder to resist over the next couple of days.

Also today, Venus and Mars link up in easy trine aspect. What you want, what you desire, and how you go about getting it are nicely aligned. With Venus in Mars both in earth signs, that desire is, well, earthy, possibly even carnal, but definitely natural and ultimately practical. The Moon (still in action stations Aries mode) can activate that energy. I’m back in training and this treadmill program certainly caused some pain and suffering this morning, but Earth Mars and Venus knows that hard work is the only way to get what you want…sadly.

In any case- the Taurus “all I want for Xmas” is below. Remember to keep an eye out for your sign, your Moon sign & your Venus sign. For those buying for me, look no further than Pisces & Aries & you will have all bases covered.

Taurus

A rather nice little Renoir would go down well, as would anything from Tiffanys…but a huge box of chocolates a warm fire and cuddly couch or breezy hammock to curl up on (depending which hemisphere you are in) while I eat them all myself would be nice.

Suggested NY Resolutions:

One in One out. Positive impact on clutter- for every one item brought into the home, another must go out (and not just to the back shed or garage)- make friends with a charity shop or ebay. Just because it is on sale/cheap/available as a bulk buy does not necessarily mean that you need it.

Pic by me...somewhere in New Caledonia.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas- there is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I don’t need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace. Santa Claus won’t make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day… Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is….

All I want for Xmas is… That would be telling!

Seriously though, I don’t want a lot- I have Venus in Aries & buy as I go! I’m not a bling girl & get sick of important jewellery (a good cop out for my husband)…although having said that, there is a gorgeous gold necklace with a bird on a twig in Husk that I spied last time I was in Melbourne. Despite this, I still have managed to compile a pretty comprehensive list. At the very top of it? For my dreams to come true (cue harps, sighing & dolphins leaping).

But it got me thinking what sort of non material things each sign would be looking for…some suggestions for the girl/guy in your life that has everything. I’ll do each sign by the Moon, so check out your Sun sign, Moon sign and Venus sign. I was thinking of titling this the 12 Moons of Xmas, but being an Aussie that sort of had a few other connotations more in line with Xmas parties and photocopiers or open bus windows.

And, seeing as how it is my blog and the Moon is in Pisces…first up are the fishies.

Pisces

What to buy the fish in your life? Focus would be nice, so would common sense & some boundaries- although these are things they tell us that we need, & not necessarily want. Love, romance & unbridled passion, of course, and spare lenses for our rose coloured glasses. A star to wish on, an island to escape to, a bottomless glass for our wine of choice, happy endings & a flying carpet to take us where ever we want to go. If you can’t buy these, books (both traditional & electronic) with stories we can escape into (no real life stuff please), jewellery (hand-made arty one off pieces) & shoes- beautiful, toe killing, glorious shoes. Oh, and some pedicure vouchers to repair our feet afterwards!

Suggested NY Resolutions:

This year I am going to set a goal with a real physical beginning & end- I am not going to change mid-stream or be distracted along the way. This year I am going to finish something that I start. This year I will limit my forgiveness meter to just 3 separate hurts per person before I stop feeling sorry for them. This year I am going to try for moderation and this year I am going to follow my heart and my dreams.

Captain Planet from the Captain Planet Foundation

The Moon is in Aquarius and in the sky is a great big Air trine involving La Luna and Mars and Saturn.

I don’t do Air stuff real well, having no planets in Air signs, so rather than dwelling on what the Moon linking to the two planetary bad boys could mean, I figured we could have a little quirky imaginary fun instead and match signs to cartoon heroes or superheroes or anti heroes.

Actually, the idea cam from two places- hubby was saying how at a recent off-site they had to come up with a Super Hero that said something about themselves. Whatever.

Then during my “run” (and yes, the activity is still deserving of inverted commas) this morning the song Cartoon Heroes hit my playlist by shuffle (please say nothing about why it is on my ipod in the first place…).

Anyways, here we go- in no particular order and with the usual amount of apologies and fine print regarding clichés and why do we always look at the negative side of certain signs…this is meant to be tongue in cheek. So there.

Aries is the Knight in shining armour galloping through on his white steed to save the day and the maiden, sweeping her into his arms for the sort of kiss she will never forget before riding off into the sunset, sword glinting as it is held aloft….or is that just my fantasy? I’m thinking Richard Gere (in younger days) as Lancelot in First Knight.

With all those luscious curves, Wonder Woman can only be Taurus. But then again, the Wall St Bull also comes to mind.

Gemini? The Joker of course! Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men (and a little weed…) or maybe Rocky and Bullwinkle? But the ultimate chattering Gemini twins have to be Chip n Dale!

The Sun is in Cancer, and the US chart has a Cancer Sun, so who better to use for Cancer than Roger Ramjet and his eagles fighting for our freedom. Roger Ramjet-he’s our man- hero of our nation…  I also love the Sheepdog from the It’s the Wooooluf cartoons where he guards Lambsie and the other sheepies.

Leo doesn’t like to be made fun of, but too bad so sad, suffer in your jocks. But seriously, how could I go past the Lion King?

I had a brain blank on Virgo, but thanks to Facebook, have a few contenders- Clark Kent- mild mannered alter ego of he in the red super underwear or Bugs Bunny- the carrot munching Super Bunny. But then there is Agent 99- who else can wear white as successfully as Virgo?

Libra is absolutely definitely Penelope Pitstop…no more explanation required.

Penelope Pitstop

I am making up a special one for Scorpio- Plutonium Man. He just stands there and radiates all these little radioactive rays out at the bad guys from his stillness. No? What about Dastardly Dan, then….? Twirling his moustaches as he thinks of appropriate revenge with a dastardly snigger… An then again, there is always Lex Luther- spoiled for choice when it comes to Scorpio.

Indiana Jones is pure Sagittarius- and yes, I know he isn’t a cartoon character or a Superhero, but I can change the rules as I like. He travels the world in search of answers with belief and faith his key motivation and adventure his middle name.

Capricorn’s would have to be Donald Trump….oh, what? He’s not a character but a real person?  Ummm, what about Judge Dredd then?

Captain Planet is the perfect Aquarian super hero. According to the website (yep, there is one…) “intellectually, Captain Planet has an encyclopedic knowledge of the Universe…(he is) a metaphor for (the) teamwork and cooperation (of the Planeteers)… he does not like to inflict pain, which often requires him to use his wits in addition to his incredible strength to defeat the enemies of the Earth. He’s also quick witted and usually has a comic line for his villains.”

Pisces has to be Ariel, the gorgeous Mermaid who speaks to the creatures of the seas and trades her fins for dry land in an effort to be someone else for the man she loves…. Awwwwwww.

Ariel- the Little Mermaid

We are what we’re supposed to be,

illusions of your fantasy

all lines and dots that speak and say

what we do is what you wish to do….

We are the Cartoon Heroes

We are the ones who’re gonna last forever

We came out of a crazy mind

And walked out on a piece of paper

…

We learned to run at speed of light

And to fall down from any height

It’s true, but just remember that

What we do is what you just can’t do

And all the worlds of craziness

A bunch of stars that’s chasing us

Frame by frame, to the extreme

One by one, we’re makin’ it fun

…

You think we’re so mysterious

Don’t take us all too serious

Be original, and remember that

What we do is what you just can’t do

Lyrics from Cartoon Heroes by Aqua